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by feeltheforcebruh



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18348824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feeltheforcebruh/pseuds/feeltheforcebruh
Summary: Clarke has a mistakes to pay for, and a person to make it up to.Clarke x Bellamy





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

            To be at home is to be at ease, in harmony with your surroundings. At least that’s what Jake Griffin would tell his daughter whenever he left for one of his various business trips. Little Clarke would cling to his leg each time he left through the doors of their old Victorian style house. Her wide sky blue always filled with fear and sadness, and each time Jake would say these words to put her little heart at ease.

            The day Jake Griffin never returned their once warm and inviting home became one that felt like a foreign land. Since the drunk driver swerved and killed Jake; Clarke’s life had never been the same. The once hopeful and bright-eyed girl grew into a careful, calculating, and cool-headed woman. Clarke was forever searching for a home. When Abbie turned to pain killers and went down the rabbit hole that’s almost impossible to return from Clarke felt like Alice chasing the rabbit. The life she had known just out of reach.

            But Clarke didn’t believe in stories anymore. Because there were rarely good endings let alone happy ones. At least for her.

            Currently packing her bag in a hurry at Seattle General Clarke’s eyes darted around the room to ensure she didn’t forget anything. Once her bag pack was packed, she darted out of the door nearly at a sprint. Her white sneakers squeaking on the clean linoleum floors. Nurses and other doctors jumped out of her way knowing never to get in the way of a focused Doctor Griffin. Whatever had her running down the halls must have been important.

            And, today was one of the most important days of Clarke’s 25-year-old life. Of course, for one of the rare times she was running late. She had been out of the door when an emergency room nurse called for her. You can’t exactly predict a stabbing, now can you? Clarke was pulled back to help stabilize the young man before another trauma ward doctor took over. Clarke had shaken her head when she found herself in the dubbed ‘Nap room’. As much as she loved helping people, and her job; sights like that never failed to make her question her faith in her fellow human beings.

            It was a text from Raven that shook her from the event, and only made her heart drop again.

**Raven: Where are you? It started 30 min ago!!**

**Clarke: I know Raven, but a kid came in with a stab wound.**

**Raven: Shit Clarke… I’ll let everyone know you’re tied up at work.**

**Clarke: You’re the best Raven.**

**Raven: I know** **😉**

**Clarke: Is he…**

**Raven: Yes, now hurry your blonde ass up; Octavia’s forcing shots.**

**Clarke: OMW!**

            When Clarke finally made it to her car, she threw her bag pack into the passenger seat and sped out of the hospital parking garage. She looked in the review mirror and groaned. Clarke wasn’t a vapid person, but she even had to admit she looked like crap. Somehow fate had determined that such an important day would coincide with her bi-weekly double shift. Too much caffeine and six hours of sleep meant that the bags under her eyes were as blatant as Jasper and Monty when they tried to hide their moonshine operation from their RA’s; VERY.

            Clarke focused on the road as she weaved through traffic. Looking at the clock she’d be there in ten minutes. Finally, today seemed to be getting in… Blue and red lights flashed in her rear-view mirror as Clarke groaned and hit her wheel.

            “Fuck!”

            Clarke pulled off to the curb and rested her head on her head rest trying to steady her breathe. She opened her eyes and reached for her insurance in the glove box before hearing a tap on her window. Lowering it she spoke in the calmest voice she could.

            “Officer what seems to be the issue?”

            The cop reached out his hand, “License and registration Ma’am.”

            Clarke gave it to him and he flipped her driver’s license over and spoke, “One minute.”

            He went back to his patrol car and Clarke gripped the wheel hard. Her knuckles nearly white. This seriously wasn’t happening. She wasn’t about to get a speeding ticket, not today. Clarke closed her eyes and counted to ten. Her nerves were already on edge, and every minute that passed was another that…

            The Cop spooked her from her thoughts, “Ms. Griffin I’m going to let you off with a warning.”

            Clarke sighed, “Thank you Officer, seriously.”

            The Cop nodded, “Noticed your scrubs and the err… stains on them.”

            Clarke looked down and cursed under her breath. Of course, she had blood splatter on the front of her scrubs.

            Clarke looked back at the Officer, “I can explain, I…”

            The Officer put his hand up to interject, “Say no more Ma’am, see your badge there says you work at Seattle General, emergency trauma I’m guessing?”

            Clarke raised an eyebrow, “I do actually, how do you know?”

            The Officer gave her an appreciative smile, “My buddy brought a kid there who got stabbed in some domestic violence affair trying to protect his Mom.”

            Clarke felt herself release a breath, “I didn’t know…”

            The Officer nodded, “Guessing you’ve had a rough day?”

            Clarke nodded and the Cop continued, “Well Ms. Griffin please drive a little slower, don’t need any more accidents tonight.”

            Clark gave him a curt nod, “Thank you again Officer.”

            He returned her nod before returning back to his cruiser and taking off. Clarke closed her eyes. When she opened them, she continued down the road driving a little slower, but still doing her best to skirt the line to make it there faster. She was already an hour late, and every minute she lost was another she couldn’t get back.

            Clarke didn’t know if it was the stress of the double, her recent stop with the nice Cop, or just today in general, but she didn’t know how much more she could take from this Friday. Turning into the familiar street of Octavia and Lincoln’s Clarke parked her car on the curb just outside of the house.

            Clarke looked for Raven’s SUV or any of her other friends’ cars and couldn’t see them around. Her breath began to quicken as her mind jumped immediately to being too late. No one was here.

            Clarke dug her phone out of her bag and texted Raven.

            **Clarke: Are you still here? Can’t find your car.**

**Raven: Had to leave, we all just stopped by to say hi. Tomorrow’s the welcome home party at Grounders. Didn’t want to overcrowd.**

Clarke steadied her breathe and fingers before continuing.

            **Clarke: Is he here?**

**Raven: Go see for yourself :P**

Clarke sighed at her friend’s vagueness, but pocketed her phone.

            Taking a few deep breathes she exited her car and walked up the dimly lit pavement leading to Octavia and Lincoln’s home. Clarke appreciated the simple green and brown exterior. Their lawn a mixture of grass and rock with hedges adorning the windows looking into the living room. It was a simple home, but it fit the couple so well.

            Clarke reached the front door and brought her hand up to knock. She paused as her mind held her hand in place. What if she was too late? A frown graced her pink lips, but she pressed forward. Knocking twice she let her hand fall to her side as she tried in vain to smooth down her wrinkled scrubs.

_Clarke you’re already covered in another human’s blood, wrinkles won’t make a difference in how out of it you look._

Clarke heard footsteps hurrying to the door, and was surprised at the sudden swoosh of the front door opening. Before her stood Octavia in all of her wild glory. Dark eyes dancing between Clarke’s own and her current appearance.

            Octavia spoke with a dark but low tone, “Clarke did you kill someone on the way over hear?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “No Octavia, I’ll have you know this blood is due to me trying to help someone.”

            Octavia pouted, “Always have to be the good guy.”

            Clarke held the woman’s gaze with no expression, before she smiled and Octavia did the same throwing her arms around Clarke before pulling her into the warmth of the living room.

            Octavia pulled back as she stepped away from Clarke, “So I’m guessing the bloods connected to the reason you’re late?”

            Clarke frowned, “Stabbing victim… first doctor they called.”

            Raven nodded sympathetically, “You always shave the worst luck blondie.”

            Clarke sighed, “Chalk it up to whatever sins I committed in a past life.”

            Octavia put her hand on Clarke’s upper arm and squeezed before leading them to the kitchen. On the way Clarke looked for any sign of him. She didn’t know what to say, less her words break whatever spell today brought. She knew logically that Octavia had planned his arrival down to the minute, and the fact that Raven had told Clarke everyone had come to see him there was no real reason to doubt her friends. But it had been so long. 362 days in fact, and with each day her heart grew heavier and heavier.

            They say you don’t really know what you have until it’s gone. And, after a year Clarke now truly understood these words to a depressing t. Clarke stopped Octavia as they entered the kitchen. Octavia turned to Clarke as she spoke in a quiet tone.

            “Octavia, what if he hasn’t forgiven me… What if…”

            Octavia shook her head, “Clarke it’s been a year, trust me when I say whatever happened between you two is water under the bridge.”

            Clarke replied, “You don’t get it… before he left…”

            Octavia raised her hand, “Clarke I want to hear about whatever really went down that night, but right now you need to pull up your big girl panties and get out there.”

            Clarke was about to retort, but Octavia simply grabbed Clarke’s hand and dragged her out to the deck through the sliding glass door. When Clarke stepped onto the wooden deck her eyes went wide as she held her breathe.

            Not ten feet away he stood with his back to her. She’d know those broad shoulders and dark curly locks in any lifetime. It had to be a dream; all of this. A year of waiting, wishing, and hoping came down to this one moment. Finally he was here, and she was without words. Clarke had thought about this moment, dreamt of it. What she would say exactly down to the last syllable. And, now she was tongue tied.

            Octavia seemed to sense her pause and took it upon herself to once again kick her blonde friend in the ass.

            Octavia spoke in a loud tone, “Babe can you help me inside? I can’t reach the mixer for the tequila.”

            Lincoln who stood next to the man staring out at the sky turned and nodded, his eyes greeting Clarke.

            Lincoln spoke with his usual low but calm tone, “Be right there.”

            Lincoln patted the man next to him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear before leaving to follow Octavia. Lincoln stopped by Clarke and gave her a nod which she returned. Octavia grasped Lincoln’s hand dragging him inside and shutting the sliding door behind him.

            Clarke stood rooted to the spot. Even as her heart screamed for her to say something; anything really, her mind held her tongue hostage. As usual her mind won out. To protect her from her bashful heart that went head first without thinking of the facts.

            As if the man in front of her could sense her inner turmoil he turned and his night black eyes locked with her sky blue ones. Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. He looked different, and yet the same. His dark locks shorter, but as wild as ever. He had a beard now, and Clarke didn’t know why that made her stomach flutter. His high cheeks bones as evident and unfair as ever. And, the million freckles that danced across his cheeks were as present as ever. Clarke felt her heart yearn to simply run and jump in his arms.

            But, she couldn’t. She burned that bridge a year ago.

            Clarke thought he would look at her with anger, resentment, or disdain. But, somehow the look he currently gave her was even worse.

            Bellamy Blake looked at her with no emotion, as if she were a stranger.

            Bellamy spoke and Clarke nearly teared up at his voice after not hearing it for a year.

            “Long time no see Clarke.”

            Clarke wavered, but her mind finally allowed her to speak, “Long time no see Bellamy.”

            Bellamy’s gaze ran up and down her form. He seemed perplexed by her hair at first. She did cut nearly all of it off; as her once back length hair fell just above her shoulders. But his eyes stopped once he reached the blood adorning her fabulously wrinkled scrubs.

            He spoke and his voice was laced with just the tiniest glimpse of care.

            “You okay?”

            He motioned to the stained blood.

            Clarke looked down and then back towards Bellamy, “This? It’s not mine if that’s what you’re thinking.”

            Bellamy nodded, “Kill someone then?”

            Clarke huffed, “Why does everyone think I murdered someone? I’m a freaking doctor for Christ’s sake.”

            Bellamy didn’t look taken a back, “What’s got you all wound up?”

            Clarke couldn’t believe how callouses he was. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also numbs the reality of a certain man’s rude demeanor. Clarke didn’t know why but she stepped forward. Her blonde eyebrows furrowing as she marched up to stand less than a foot in front of Bellamy. Even though he was a head taller Clarke did her best to puff out her chest and appear as intimidating as possible.

            She poked a finger into his firm and strong chest, “My day has literally been hell. I’ve had six hours of sleep in the last two days. I’ve had a gunshot victim, stabbing, and so many broken bones you have no idea.”

            Clarke glared up at the man, “I got pulled over by a cop because I was rushing over here to see YOU!”

            Clarke’s anger kept rising, all of the emotions swirling in her exiting through the one emotion she knew she shouldn’t let be in control.

            “And after a year of not seeing each other… of no contact… of having to hear if you were safe or even alive from everyone else… you act like… like…”

            Bellamy replied with a deep tone, “Like?”

            Clarke searched his gaze and felt her anger deflate as she spoke with a shaky voice, “Like an asshole.”

            Bellamy searched her gaze before sighing and closing his eyes seemingly to collect his thoughts.

            When he opened them again he peered down at Clarke.

            He spoke with a soft tone so only Clarke could hear him, “Well you’re the one who sped to come see an asshole. And, all things considered this asshole is happier than hell to see a blonde munchkin doctor with blood on her scrubs.”

            Clarke was actually at a loss of words. How in the hell do you respond to that? She felt herself actually shake. Because she missed this. She missed their fighting, their banter, she missed Bellamy so damn much. And, here he was in the flesh arguing with her.

            Clarke finally broke tears forming in her eyes. She felt a sob rack her chest, and before she knew it Bellamy’s strong arms circled around her body pulling her flush against his solid chest. Clarke’s arms wrapped around his torso as she hugged him as tight as she could. Her senses were filled with Bellamy. The scent of his aftershave, and something that was wholey Bellamy. The warmth he emitted soothed her aching body. The sound of his strong heartbeat. Clarke nuzzled her head as deep into his chest as she could trying to hide her tears.

            Bellamy’s chin came to rest a top her head as he spoke with a somber voice, “I missed you Princess.”

            Clarke only held on tighter as she registered his words. And, at the sound of the last word. The nickname she hated for so long, but now sounded like music to her ears. Bellamy was back, and Clarke had another chance. Another chance to make things right.  


	2. Chapter 2

After her Dad passed away Clarke Griffin felt alone. That was until a dark haired girl with wild eyes ran into at the playground. Clarke had the wind knocked out of her as the other girl stood up and sprinted away. Clarke had never felt so out of sorts, and as she the panic rise in her chest from not being able to breathe she felt a pair of hands grab her shoulders gently to help her sit up.

            Clarke’s vision was filled with curly black hair and freckles as the boy ran a hand soothingly around her back as his calming voice spoke to her.

            “It’s okay, just breathe. You’re okay.”

            Clarke nodded slightly as she focused on his words and getting her breathing under control. The boy spoke again with a soft tone.

            “Are you okay?”

            Clarke coughed a bit, but replied with a small smile, “I think so…”

            When Clarke finally got a full look at the boy who was helping her she felt a strange tug in her heart.

            He gave her a sorry smile as he spoke, “Sorry about that. My little sister Octavia seems to knock into people, and I’m always there to take care of the mess.”

            Clarke shook her head, “It’s okay, but maybe next time give her a bright vest so you can see her coming?”

            The boy laughed, and Clarke thought it was the most musical sound she had ever heard. A bigger smile formed on her face as the boy reached out a hand to help her up. When she stood in front of him, she noticed how much taller he was, he had to be a few years older.

            Clarke reached out her hand and the boy shook hers, “I’m Clarke Griffin by the way.”

            Bellamy smiled and nodded, “I’m Bellamy Blake, it’s nice to meet you Clarke.”

            Clarke replied with a happy tone, “It’s nice to meet you too Bellamy.”

            They both heard a crash behind them and a crying child. Clarke noticed that Bellamy closed his eyes and sighed not even turning around. The whole imaged making Clarke giggle.

            When Bellamy opened his eyes, he had a tired, but slightly amused smile.

            “That was probably Octavia, duty calls.”

            He gave her a lopsided smile before turning and running towards the commotion. That was Clarke’s first-time meeting Bellamy, and the mark he left on that day would carry through the rest of her life.

            The most important thing Clarke learned about Bellamy is that he always went running towards trouble when others ran away. He had the most genuinely good heart of anyone that she knew. And, it’s what sparked the desire to always be close him. Like the sun Bellamy radiated warmth and love to those that he cared about.

            Right now, in his arms that’s all Clarke felt. Warmth and protection, and she never wanted to give it up. But, like everything good in Clarke’s life eventually it had to end. Reality came back with a punch in the gut as Bellamy pulled back, and Clarke’s arms fell to her sides. Bellamy created more distance between them as Clarke finally calmed down. Looking up into his eyes she clasped her hands in front of her.

            Bellamy spoke with an inquisitive tone, “So… how’ve things been?”

            Clarke tilted her head. If casual is how he wanted to play it, then casual it is.

            Clarke shrugged a shoulder, “Same old. Hanging out with the gang and trying to stay afloat during my residency.”

            Bellamy nodded, “Well Octavia’s told me you’ve been kick ass as usual at the hospital.”

            Clarke felt a flutter in her chest and raised an eyebrow, “You asked Octavia about me?”

            Bellamy gave her a mysterious look before continuing, “It’s the only way I get any information about you, since we didn’t talk during...”

            Clarke bit her lip, “I know Bellamy, and once again I’m sorry.”

            Bellamy put a hand up, “Water under the bridge.”

            Clarke chuckled drawing a confused look from Bellamy, “You two are so alike sometimes.”

            Bellamy had that lopsided smile on his face now that did things to Clarke…

            “How so?”

            Clarke shook her head, “Just listen to your sister talk sometimes and you’ll see what I mean.”

            Bellamy looked lost but continued their conversations.

            He motioned to her hair, “So you cut your hair?”

            Clarke subconsciously brought a hand up to play with a strand of her short blonde hair.

            She replied with a soft tone, “Turns out long hair isn’t really conducive to staying clean in an emergency room.”

            Bellamy nodded as she continued, “Plus I thought it was time for a change.”

            Bellamy gave her a strange look that she couldn’t place but replied with an understanding tone.

            “Makes sense.”

            Clarke quirked her lip up so her dimple was showing, “What about you Mr. Beard? I thought that was against regulations?”

            Bellamy shrugged, “Well, since I am officially honorably discharged this veteran can grow as long a beard as he wants.”

            Clarke raised both eyebrows, “What?! When did this happen?”

            Bellamy smiled, “About a week ago, came back and cleared from Bragg. I am now officially a civilian just like the rest of you.”

            Clarke truly smiled, “Bellamy I’m so happy for you!”

            He ran a hand through his unruly black curls, “Thanks, still feels weird…”

            Clarke nodded, “I mean it’s been a part of your life for the last five years.”

            She continued with an inquisitive tone, “So what’re you going to do now?”

            Bellamy sat back against the deck railing and took a sip of his beer.

            When he spoke, he was as nonchalant as he could be, “Well Miller somehow talked me into applying for the Seattle Police Department, and I got my acceptance transfer a few days ago so…”

            Clarke was confused, “So you’re going to be a cop?”

            Bellamy shook his head, “Detective.”

            Clarke nodded feeling both happy and worried for him, “I’m proud of you Bellamy.”

            He tilted his head, “Doesn’t sound like it Princess.”

            Clarke sighed and closed her eyes before continuing, “I seriously am. It’s just after the Army I thought you’d choose something a little bit safer?”

            Bellamy shrugged, “If you’re good at something why break the wheel?”

            Clarke opened her eyes with a slight frown, but he continued, “Besides, at least this way I’ll be close to Octavia, the gang, and…”

            Clarke felt her spirits rise, was he going to say…

            “And… home.”

            Clarke deflated, but did her best to hide it.

            She replied with a fakery chipper voice, “No, that totally makes sense.”

            Bellamy’s expression changed to one she knew all too well. It was one that she knew he only held for her. His face relaxed as his eyes expressed a warmth that melted her to her core.

            “I like your hair Clarke, looks even better than in the pictures.”

            Clarke felt a slight blush creep up on her cheeks. She was about to ask what pictures, but the sliding glass door opened suddenly as Octavia walked out with shot glasses.

            She looked between the two, and spoke with the abrasive but caring tone only Octavia Blake could muster.

            “Did I interrupt something?”

            Clarke looked back to Bellamy and they both shook their heads speaking in unison.

            “Nope, what’s up?”

            Octavia cringed, “God you two are back together for like 15 minutes and already finishing each other sentences.”

            Bellamy stuck his tongue out at Octavia, and Clarke moved to stand next to Bellamy’s side as Lincoln joined them.

            Octavia spoke with an energetic tone, “So shots everyone?”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes but laughed, and Lincoln’s usually serious expression turned to one of amusement as his girlfriend handed Bellamy and him a shot. When Octavia reached to hand Clarke one Clarke gave her a sad expression.

            “I can’t Octavia, I drove and have to head home and crash.”

            Octavia shot her puppy dog eyes, “Come on Clarke it’s Friday night, and you don’t have to work this weekend.”

            Clarke felt her resolve slipping, “Plus, it’s celebrating Bellamy’s return home!”

            Clarke felt her resolve give in as she grabbed the shot from Octavia’s hand, “Does the puppy dog thing really work every time?”

            Bellamy and Lincoln both nodded solemnly as Octavia laughed, “Every time Clarke, now everyone bottoms up in celebration for my heroic brothers return home.”

            Clarke noticed how Bellamy flinched at the word heroic, but let it pass. They all downed the shot, and Clarke felt the familiar tingle of alcohol course through her throat to her stomach as her ears warmed.

            Bellamy spoke with a smirk, “Getting better at mixing Octavia.”

            Octavia winked at her brother, “Someone has to keep their skills on point.”

            They all laughed and Clarke felt herself relax for the first time in twenty-four hours. They all began to chat about updates around their friend group, as Bellamy sat back and just listened with a smile. Clarke would chime in here and there, but really, she was paying sole attention to Bellamy. A smile planted on her lips as she watched the crinkle near his eyes as he laughed as Lincoln regaled about Octavia kicking out a drunk patron from the bar. The way his mouth quirked into a smirk when he made a smart comment to Octavia who hit him right back. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of Bellamy, and knowing that he wasn’t leaving anymore sent happy shivers down her spine.

            She felt Bellamy lean into her side as his shoulder bumped her side. Instead of pulling away Clarke leaned into his touch. Releasing a soft sigh as she felt Bellamy’s weight against her side. She paid no mind to the quick look Octavia shot her way as the conversations continued. Nearly an hour and two more shots later Octavia and Lincoln were calling it a night. Clarke tried her best to order an Uber, but Octavia insisted Clarke take the pull-out couch. Clarke finally relented when the two men shook their heads knowing it was a losing battle.

            Clarke finally relented and thanked her hosts for allowing her to stay. Clarke had a sneaking suspicion though that Octavia was up to something.

            Octavia and Lincoln said goodnight to Clarke and Bellamy who sat at their kitchen table not yet ready for sleep. Left alone once more Clarke couldn’t help the smile on her face. She had Bellamy all to herself until they went to bed, and Clarke didn’t plan on falling asleep anytime soon.

            Bellamy spoke with a sigh, “Sometimes I wonder if I let Octavia get away with too much.”

            Clarke shook her head, “Bellamy, Octavia is a force of nature. Not even the best brother in the world can stop her when she puts her mind to something.”

            Bellamy gave her a look that caused her smile to widen, “That’s one of the things I missed most about you Clarke, you get Octavia.”

            Clarke warmed at his compliment. Since the day Octavia knocked into Clarke, she knew that Bellamy’s world had revolved around his little sister. Growing up with the Blake siblings Clarke watched how time and time again women who came into Bellamy’s life couldn’t understand the sibling’s closeness. Knowing that Octavia came first in Bellamy’s life put many of them off, as it should in Clarke’s opinion. If you couldn’t accept that Octavia came with Bellamy, then you didn’t deserve the man.

            To add fuel to the fire Octavia hated most of the women Bellamy dated, so the two compounding factors meant that Bellamy never held onto a woman for more than a few months.

            Clarke spoke before she could think, “Bell do you want to grab coffee this week?”

            Bellamy arched an eyebrow, a curious look on his face, “Yeah, I think I’d really like that.”

            Clarke beamed and nodded, “Great! I’ll send you the details.”

            Bellamy laughed, “You’re making it sound like a mission.”

            Clarke wiggled her eyebrows, “Maybe it is, maybe I’m recruiting you for a secret mission to save the world.”

            Bellamy laughed again, the kind of laugh that filled Clarke’s heart with pride knowing she caused him to emit such a wonderful sound.

            “Well once again Clarke, I accept the mission.”

            Clarke smiled like a kid who just won the grand prize at a carnival. She yawned as she brought up a hand to hide it.

            Bellamy mirrored her yawn and then spoke with a tired voice, “Think it’s time we called it a night Clarke.”

            Clarke pouted, “But, I want to keep talking Bell.”

            He gave her an endearing smile, “Clarke we’ve got all the time in the world.”

            Clarke shook her head, “Everyone thinks that, but you never truly know.”

            Bellamy gave her the cocky Bellamy smile, “Well, I know Princess. Now let’s head to bed.”

            Clarke sighed knowing he was right, the shots and lack of sleep dulling her better senses.

            “Fine… But I still need to shower, and I don’t have any clean clothes.”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes, “You can borrow a pair of mine Princess.”

            Clarke bit her lip, “You sure?”

            Bellamy shook his head, “They’re just clothes Clarke, plus you’ll wash them and give them back to me when we get coffee this week.”

            Clarke smiled, “There we are, there’s the Bellamy we all know and love.”

            Bellamy did his best not to smile, but he stood and hid it under a sigh, “Let’s go Princess, time to get some sleep.”

            Clarke mock glared, “You’re lucky I’m too tired to fight back.”

            Bellamy reached out his hand to help her up, and spoke so low only he could hear, “I am lucky.”


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke Griffin was not a thief. She didn’t have it in her bones to steal from another person. She remembers when Octavia and she were in middle school and Octavia had nicked a candy bar from a local convenience store. They ran as fast as their legs could carry them. Octavia had been laughing the entire time, but Clarke wasn’t laughing. No she was shaking fearful of getting caught, going to jail, and her whole life over because of a candy bar.

            Octavia tried to calm her friend, but Clarke felt the horrible pang of guilt within her stomach. When they returned to Octavia and Bellamy’s small rundown apartment Octavia eyed Clarke dangerously not to say anything to Bellamy. But, as soon as Clarke’s big blue eyes met Bellamy’s chocolate brown she broke like an egg over the cooking pan. Tears welled in her eyes as she asked Bellamy to forgive them both, and he just stared at her and then glared towards Octavia.

            The two got in a heated exchange that made Clarke sink back into the corner. Fearful they would both hate her. Octavia because Clarke broke and told on her, and Bellamy because Clarke didn’t stop his sister when she knew it was wrong to do. Octavia had stormed off to her room slamming the door, and Bellamy stood with the candy bar in hand and ran a hand through his hair sighing in frustration.

            But, when he looked back at Clarke there wasn’t anger, disdain, or hate. Only a soft frown. Clarke didn’t know why, but his look of disappointment was so much worse than anger. She bowed her head and stilled the tears threatening to leave her eyes. When she looked up Bellamy was grabbing his keys. He said nothing as she followed him, and when they returned to the scene of Octavia and here’s crime Clarke sunk back in her seat. Bellamy shook his head before leading them inside. Bellamy explained to the cashier who have Clarke a stern expression, but Bellamy gave the man five dollars and Clarke could have sworn she saw a look of laughter between Bellamy and the man. After Clarke apologized the man told her never to steal again, and how wrong it was to take from others. Clarke nodded in agreement, and before she knew hit Bellamy had slid her hand in his as he led them back to his car.

            Clarke was confused, but Bellamy held a stoic expression as he pulled into her drive way. Before he got out Bellamy looked at her and spoke with an honest tone, “You’re a good person Clarke.”

            Clarke didn’t know why, but she started to tear up again. She threw her arms around Bellamy as she hugged him, and he brought an arm around her back while the other smoothed her blonde hair. Clarke apologized again into his neck and Bellamy just smiled into her hair. When he drove away Clarke vowed her life of crime was over, and she would stand up to Octavia both for her sake, and for Bellamy’s.

            But, Clarke had stolen. Not a candy bar, but a hoody. It was Halloween her senior year of high school. Raven had a party at her Grandma’s house, and Clarke came dressed as a zombie patient. Clarke usually wasn’t one for parties, but Raven being one of her best friends she showed up for support. But, between the drinking games, high schoolers chanting loudly, and god awful music all she wanted to do was scrub this costume make up off of her face and crawl into bed.

            She felt a hand on her shoulder, and when she turned she felt a sigh of relief. An hour before she texted Bellamy.

            **Clarke: Can you do me a favor?...**

**Bellamy: What’s up Princess?**

**Clarke: Don’t call me that. But, can you come pick me up?**

**Bellamy: Aren’t you at Raven’s party?**

**Clarke: Yes, and I’ve had my fill of shitty beer and loud teenagers**

**Bellamy: You know you’re 17 right? You’re allowed to live a little**

            **Clarke: Either you pick me up or I walk**

**Bellamy: Be there in a hour**

**Clarke: You’re the best** **😊**

**Bellamy: Always.**

Seeing Bellamy standing next to her clad in his Army hoody, hair tussled, and glasses on Clarke couldn’t stop the swooning in her heart. He looked so damn cute it wasn’t fair. Bellamy spoke loudly so she could hear him.

            “Okay! You were right, this blows!”

            Clarke nodded her head, “Right?! Let me go say by to Raven and we’ll leave!”

            Bellamy nodded, “Meet me at the front door in five?!”

            Clarke put a thumbs up as she went to find Raven. It was hard. Raven was dressed up as Rosie the Riveter currently kicking Jaspers ass at beer pong. Clarke ducked around and told Raven she was leaving. Raven protested until she saw Bellamy at the entrance. Raven gave Clarke a look of understanding and hugged her friend. Clarke waved by to everyone as she went to the door to meet Bellamy. When she looked back Raven gave her eyes that made Clarke roll her own.

            Bellamy was just taking her home, nothing more. As they walked to Bellamy’s car Clarke shivered. Maybe dressing in just scrubs wasn’t the smartest idea during October in the North West. Clarke was surprised when she felt a warm material thrust into her hands. When she looked down she noticed it was Bellamy’s hoodie. Before she could say anything her words died in her throat. Bellamy was clad in a simple black v-neck that showed off his strong chest and arms a little too well.

            Clarke gave him a shy smile before putting on his hoodie. It still felt warm from Bellamy’s body heat, and it smelled just like him. When they reached Bellamy’s car he opened the door for her and Clarke smiled even brighter as he shut the door. On their way to Clarke’s house she sank in the seat. Her Mom would be livid at Clarke’s state. Not that she had even drank much, but Clarke’s Mom would hound her for having gone to a party even if it was at Raven’s.

            Bellamy seemed to sense Clarke’s dower mood, and he spoke, “Clarke you want to crash at the apartment? Octavia’s out with god know’s who, and won’t be back until tomorrow if not Sunday.”

            Clarke looked at Bellamy with an appreciative smile, “You sure?”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes, “Clarke you stay over pretty much every weekend. It’s as much your home as it is Octavia’s and mine at this point.”

            Clarke’s heart stopped for a moment. Bellamy calling his home hers… She didn’t know why, but it left Clarke both happy and sad. Clarke just nodded and voice a small thank you before flipping the hood up to hide the blush creeping its way up her neck.

            Bellamy continued to drive towards the apartment as Clarke nodded off. Bellamy’s hoodie providing her warmth, the heater running, and the sound of Bellamy’s low voice humming to whatever song was playing on the radio. Clarke wanted nothing more at the moment than to just keep driving with Bellamy. Taking the road who knows where, but by his side.

            She slept in Octavia’s bed cuddled in Bellamy’s hoodie and Clarke must have knocked out hard, because she didn’t feel Octavia stumble in and crash next to her. Clarke woke up to the sound of Octavia’s snoring and smiled to herself. If this is what a home was like, wearing Bellamy’s hoodie, and laying safely next to a snoring Octavia then this was the best home she could ever ask for.

            Eventually Clarke had to face reality, and when she returned to the house with her Mom Clarke kept Bellamy’s hoodie on. She knew she’d have to give it back eventually, but Bellamy never brought it up. And, if he did care he didn’t act like it. So over the years Clarke kept the hoodie. Wearing it to sleep throughout the end of high school, college, and med school. The hoodie had a few holes in it at this point, and even though she knew it was impossible with the amount of times she had washed it on days where she really missed Bellamy, she could swear she could still smell his sent in it.

            So yes Clarke wasn’t a thief, she just failed to give the hoodie back to Bellamy.

            So now she stood in a new hoodie that belonged to Bellamy. This time black, and she also wore his matching black boxers and sweats that she had to roll at the hip in order to just barely fit her. Even then they were baggy, but so damn comfortable. Plus everything smelled like him. As she began to brush her teeth she heard a knock at the door. Opening it Bellamy stood with a tooth brush in his mouth and a tired look on his face. His eyes motioned for the sink and Clarke nodded closing the door.

            There they stood brushing their teeth in Octavia and Lincolns guest bathroom. Both with slight bags under their eyes. Bellamy in basketball shorts and a cotton-t that hung too well on his torso, and Clarke clad in Bellamy’s hoodie and sweats. Clarke wish she could take a picture on them standing in the mirror. It felt so domestic, but also so right.

            Clarke went to spit, but Bellamy bumped her out of the way beating her to it. When he looked up to meet her eyes in the mirror he was laughing with a mischievous glint in his eye. Clarke huffed, and when he moved out of the way spit into the sink and washed off her tooth brush.

            When she placed it in the holder she turned to mock glare, “Has any told you that you can be a bully sometimes?”

            Bellamy feigned an innocent look, “Only a short blonde doctor, but deep down she knows she’s the bully.”

            Clarke inched closer and stood as tall her 5’5” frame would allow her. Bellamy just chuckled before tapping her nose with his index finger and turning to leave for the living room.

            Clarke stood rooted to the spot as she brought her hand up to her nose. Did he just fucking boop her nose?

            Clarke quietly ran after him. And, Bellamy was fluffing a pillow on the air mattress next to the fold out couch as she pushed him hard from behind. Bellamy toppled forward, and Clarke’s momentum carried her with him. Clarke landed on Bellamy’s back as he craned his head to look at her.

            “What the hell Princess?!”

            Clarke glared at him, “You just booped my nose!”

            Bellamy turned on his back so that Clarke was straddling his waste and spoke with fire in his eyes, “So your revenge is tacking ling me from behind?”

            Clarke had a thin smile on her lips and shrugged, “All’s fair in boops and war.”

            Bellamy’s eyes held hers, and Clarke watched as he fought the laughter welling in his chest. Clarke’s smile turned to one of laughter as she steadied her hands on his chest. Bellamy’s hands came to rest on her hips as Clarke laughed hard. He joined in and the two enjoyed each other’s laughter for a few moments. When Clarke looked down at Bellamy the laughter died in her chest. With him laying underneath her his hair was splayed out on the mattress. His smile full and bright as he stared at her with warmth.

            Clarke’s senses kick into overdrive as she felt his strong hands on her soft hips. The skin their on fire. She noticed the rise and fall of his strong chest, and the heat of his skin only separated by a thin cotton-t. Most of all Clarke felt herself heating up from where she straddled him. Acutely aware that one movement and. If Bellamy noticed he wasn’t showing it. She was always jealous of his skill to control his facial features. Rarely had she seen him embraced or even blush for that matter.

            Clarke’s eyes held his. And, whether it was from the shots, lack of sleep, or all the mentioned above she traced a hand up his chest to his neck. Bellamy’s eyes followed her hand as she cupped his cheek. Her thumb ghosting over the freckles not hidden by his beard. Bellamy leaned into her palm as she continued her ministrations. Clarke ran her hand through Bellamy’s soft dark curls and he closed his eyes sighing in contentment. Clarke smiled as she felt him relax under her. Her fingers coming to scratch gently against his scalp.

            She was always surprised his hair was as soft as it appeared.

            She slowed her motions as she heard Bellamy croak out with a rough voice, “Clarke…”

            She leaned forward so her face was less than a foot away from his own, “What is it Bell?”

            When his eyes opened her breath hitched. His pupils were dilated, she couldn’t tell where chocolate brown ended and pupil began. She felt his hands grip her tighter, and she had to fight with all of her might to stop the moan that almost escaped her lips.

            “I think we should get some sleep.”

            Clarke’s brain kicked into gear as she nodded her head quickly. Sliding off of Bellamy she stood and steadied herself. Bellamy sat up with an unabashed smile and turned to lay on the air mattress so his head was against the pillow. Clarke shuffled over to the pull out couch, and laid down turning on her side to look at Bellamy who mirrored. They were separated only by a few feet between the air mattress and pull out couch.

            Clarke brought the covers up to just below her cheek as Bellamy lay with his hand perched by his elbow. He looked intently at her as he spoke, “I’m really glad you could come by today Clarke.”

            Clarke nodded with a simple smile, “Me too Bell.”

            Bellamy spoke with mirth in his voice, “Even though you assaulted.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “You’re such a drama queen.”

            Bellamy looked taken aback, “Oh I’m the drama queen?”

            Clarke shrugged, “As much as Freddie Mercury looking fabulous with his mustache.”

            Bellamy just chuckled, “Well then I guess I can accept being a drama queen.”

            Clarke bit her lip, “Bell?”

            He shot her a smirk, “Hm?”

            Clarke didn’t know what she wanted to say. She just knew she didn’t want to go to sleep yet. She didn’t want today to end. Because if she slept it means she wouldn’t get to see Bellamy in the real world, and right now that’s all Clarke wanted. To stay with him in this exact moment.

            She spoke with a whisper, “Can you just talk to me? I just want to hear your voice.”

            Bellamy smiled softly and nodded, “Whatever you want Princess. Want me to tell you about the time Murphy almost got us expelled for pouring paint into the shower stalls of some kids who messed with the janitor?”

            Clarke nodded, and so Bellamy spoke about the tail. And, Clarke listened intently not so much to the story, but to the rhythmic melody of Bellamy’s deep voice. She fought hard to stay awake, but like every time being in the presence of Bellamy she relaxed. As she lost the battle with sleep she heard the last words Bellamy would speak for the night.

            “Goodnight Princess, sweet dreams.”

            Clarke mentally replied but her lips wouldn’t move. _Goodnight Bell, I don’t need sweet dreams when I’ve got you._


	4. Chapter 4

For the last year Clarke rarely had a goodnight of sleep. It wasn’t that she was plagued with nightmares. More a general lingering insomnia brought on by suppressed feelings of regret and loneliness that stemmed from a single night that was supposed to happen but never happened and rippled through her life like Luke blowing up the Death star, but her subconscious was the Death star.

            Okay, that might be a little over dramatic. But, in reality her sleep was fitful. The times she did sleep were because she dream of a sometimes grouchy, but overall kind freckle faced man. And, whenever she woke up she was filled with a void of sadness. Because those dreams were always fleeting reminders of what had done, or better yet failed to do.

            When Clarke opened her eyes this morning she didn’t know where her dream ended and reality began. Once her vision came into focus she was greeted with a breath catching site of Bellamy sound asleep not three feet away from her. His head was turned towards her as he slept on his back. His lips parted ever so slightly as his rhythmic breathing barely registered in her ear. His usually tense brow was relaxed a long with the rest of his features.

            Clarke released a shaky breath as she sat up. She didn’t know what was driving her. Her mind trying to see if she was truly awake, or her heart that demanded she touch Bellamy’s peaceful face to know that he was real.

            As quiet as she could Clarke climbed onto the air mattress doing her best not to wake the sleeping Bellamy. She settled next to him sitting and leaning slightly on her elbow. Her free hand came to caress his cheek as she felt his warm skin under her finger tips. Clarke’s pulse quickened as she finally registered that this wasn’t a dream, it was real. Bellamy was real, and everything that happened last night was real too.

            Clarke smiled softly as she let Bellamy’s sleeping form calm her nerves. Her hand brushing away the fringe of his dark curls as she continued the ministrations into his soft locks. He leaned into her touch and Clarke couldn’t help the large smile growing on her lips as she heard him groan contentedly.

            Clarke leaned closer as she instinctively felt the pull of needing to be closer to Bellamy. He was like a magnet to her, constantly pulling her even when her mind told her to keep her distance. But, she couldn’t blame him now. This was all Clarke, and right now she wasn’t going to listen to her brain.

            Leaning down she pressed as gentle as kiss as she could to Bellamy’s forehead and pulled back. She must not have been as gentle as she thought though because Bellamy’s eyes fluttered open. As Clarke leaned to pull her hand back Bellamy caught it and held it against his scalp.

            He spoke with a gruff tone his voice not warmed up yet, “Don’t stop.”

            Clarke smiled down at the freckle faced man as she continued to massage his scalp. Bellamy nuzzling into the pillow and closing his eyes. Clarke knew if Octavia or Lincoln walked in they’d never hear the end of it. But, Clarke didn’t care. Because Bellamy was under her touch, and his smiling sleepy face made everything worth it.

            Bellamy opened his eyes again and Clarke moved her hand down to his currently laying on his chest. Her fingers wrapping around his Clarke spoke with a warm tone.

            “Morning sleepy head.”

            Bellamy replied with a smile, “G ’morning.”

            He squeezed Clarke’s hand as he continue, “What time is it?”

            Clarke looked at her phone, “6:30.”

            Bellamy groaned and turned on his side to face Clarke putting her hand under his cheek along with his own. Clarke couldn’t stop the soft smile on her face. He was just so damn cute.

            Bellamy spoke with a whine in his voice, “Two more hours and then we can act like functioning adults.”

            Clarke replied with a smile on her lips as she leaned down so her lips were just inches away from his ear.

            “If you get up now I’ll make you peanut butter pancakes.”

            Bellamy’s eyes shot open and Clarke had to stifle the laugh on her lips as he stared at her deadpanned.

            “You going to make peanut butter pancakes?”

            Clarke nodded and replied with a matter of fact tone, “Only if you get up.”

            Bellamy sat up and Clarke shifted to give him room as he stretched his long arms and yawned. Clarke couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting to his now bare flat stomach. His happy trail leading dangerously south. When he finished stretching Clarke gulped focused on her hands before meeting Bellamy’s gaze again.

            He smiled at her which lit up her own. The rest of the morning was a blur of racing to the bathroom to use it first, Octavia storming out grumpy before her coffee with Lincoln playing referee in tow, and Clarke smacking Bellamy’s hands with the spatula as he kept trying to taste one before it was finished.

            As they all sat at the table eating and talking Clarke once again was silent. Simply taking in the three people around her smiling and laughing as they enjoyed the quiet morning. Clarke tilted her head in her hand as she watched Bellamy speak enthusiastically about the aspects of working with SPD, and Clarke’s own smile mirrored his own.

            As Bellamy and Lincoln moved to the sink to do the dishes Octavia and Clarke were left drinking their coffee and talking.

            Clarke basking in the moment of peace with her friend, “So has he asked you yet?”

            Octavia shook her head, “Nope, I love Lincoln to death. But, he sucks at hiding things.”

            Clarke smirked, “You also have a history of snooping through peoples stuff.”

            Octavia shrugged, “I’m curious, Lincoln thinks it’s a gift.”

            Clarke laughed, “And, everyone else thinks it’s an invasion of privacy.”

            Octavia stuck her tongue out, “That’s why I only want to marry Lincoln.”

            Clarke lowered her voice, “Whenever he asks just make sure you call me first, okay?”

            Octavia smiled, “No duh, do you think I’m going to call Bell?”

            Clarke looked towards Bellamy and Lincoln and couldn’t help laugh to herself at the image of Bellamy’s shocked face at the news before turning her attention back to Octavia.

            “I think he’d be happy for you two.”

            Octavia nodded, “Owe I have no idea he’d be happy, Lincoln’s the only man that Bellamy has liked let alone tolerated. I swear if I wasn’t with him Bell and Lincoln would elope with how much they get a long.”

            Clarke smiled, “Well then you and I could get hitched in spite and have an even better wedding.”

            Octavia laughed, “Speaking of weddings, Bell and you…”

            Clarke’s smile faltered as she stared down into her coffee, “Are nothing.”

            Octavia rolled her eyes and replied, “Bullshit Clarke, I’m Bellamy’s sister and your best friend. Before he left you two were…”

            Clarke met her gaze not hiding the regret in her eyes, “That was before. It’s been a year Octavia, and even if I wanted…”

            Octavia cut her off, “You still want.”

            Clarke sighed, “Things are different. We’re different.”

            Octavia’s voice went a little louder which made Clarke grasp the woman’s arm to try and keep her sitting, “Of course your different, everyone’s different. But, that doesn’t mean your feelings for each other have changed. You two are like yin and yang.”

            Clarke nodded, “Always together, but never meant to blend.”

            Octavia shook her head, and Clarke looked over to Lincoln and Bellamy as they stood with their faces to Octavia and Clark. They dried their hands and were laughing at whatever they talked about. Clarke smiled sadly at the sight. They truly looked like future brother in laws just enjoying each other’s company. When Bellamy’s eyes met her own he shot her a lopsided grin that she returned though her eyes expressed sadness. He gave her a ‘You okay?’ look, and she nodded before breaking his gaze.

            Clarke spoke with a sigh, “I should get going. Need to take care of some stuff at home before the party tonight.”

            Octavia nodded, “Bell why don’t you walk Clarke to her car?”

            Clarke glared slightly at Octavia who had a shiteating grin on her face. Once Clark had collected all of her belongings she said goodbye to Octavia and Lincoln who she would see later tonight. As Bellamy and Clarke stood on the porch and took in the brisk Seattle morning air Clarke couldn’t help the feeling of dread bubbling in her stomach.

            When she looked up at Bellamy if looks could mirror Bellamy’s was a shining reflection of her own. They walked towards Clarke’s car and with each step Clarke felt her feet grow heavier and heavier. Opening the passenger door of her car and putting down her belongings she shut the door and turned. Bellamy stood a few feet away shuffling on his feet like a child who didn’t want to leave Disney Land.

            Clarke brought her arms up to wrap around her body acting like the cold was getting to her, and not the fact that she had to leave Bellamy.

            Bellamy spoke with a mustered up light tone, “Well I’ll see you tonight Princess.”

            The sound of her nickname warming Clarke slightly, “That’s ten hours away Bell, think you’ll be able to live without me for that long?”

            The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them, “I did for 362 days.”

            Clarke felt like she had just been punched in the gut. And, by the signs on Bellamy’s pained face he looked like he regretted his words as soon as he said them. But, he wasn’t wrong. He had lived a year without speaking a single word with her, and here he was standing happy and healthy.

            Clarke faked a smile, “You’re right, ten hours will be no problem.”

            Bellamy spoke, “Clarke I didn’t mean…”

            Clarke shook her head, “I should get going Bellamy, see you tonight.”

            Clarke turned and ignored Bellamy calling after her. As she drove off she didn’t dare look in her rearview mirror as Bellamy stood his arms up waving her down. She just drove and finally let the tears fall down her cheek. She really shouldn’t let his words affect her so much. She was solely to blame for their lack on contact.

            Bellamy had tried to contact her the first few months. Messages, emails, even letters. When they began to dwindle she felt a small feel of relief, but a bigger swell of guilt. But, like a like a snowball rolling down a mountain the longer she went without speaking to him the harder it got to reach out. Until finally he stopped. One day all of the messages, emails, and letters just stopped. That’s the day that Clarke cried the hardest. Even though she wasn’t speaking to him knowing that Bellamy still tried in a dark way comforted Clarke. It was at least proof that he thought about her. When it stopped the realization hit home. He had given up on her.

            But, he had every right.

            When Clarke finally got to her apartment she rushed inside and sank to the floor in front of her front door. Tears running down her face. She had been living in a dream for the last 24 hours, and reality finally caught up.

            Clarke felt her phone buzz and pulling it out the haunting picture of Bellamy’s contact photo flooded her phone screen. It was from a month before he had left. The gang had rented a beach house at Ocean shores in celebration of Murphy’s birthday. They had surprised him, and Clarke couldn’t help the smile that graced her lips as Murphy teared up as they yelled surprise. He blamed his tears of happiness as something to do with the salt in the air.

            Bellamy and Clarke had ended up on the deck watching as the group set off fireworks. Bellamy refusing to take part in the dangerous activity, but smiling as his eyes watched the exploding colors. Clarke couldn’t focus on the fireworks as the sight of Bellamy in awe was even more amazing.

            Clarke took out her phone, and without thinking called Bellamy’s name. He turned to look at her with a genuine smile, and a red and blue firework went off behind his head making his eyes sparkle like the fireworks in the sky. Clarke cherished the photo, and even on her darkest days the picture helped to calm her heart.

            Clarke felt her phone vibrate again, and the haunting photo once again shown glaringly at her.

            Clarke answer the phone and tried to mask her sobbing tone, “H…Hello?”

            She heard Bellamy’s strangled voice, “Princess, you’ve got to believe it was just a joke.”

            Clarke shook her head as if he could see her, “It was true though, you didn’t need me.”

            She heard Bellamy sigh on the other end, “Clarke I will always need you.”

            Her breath caught as he continued, “More than you can ever know Princess.”

            Clarke brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle the sob racking her chest.

            Bellamy sounded desperate, “Princess talk to me… please.”

            Clarke replied, “I’m just so sorry Bell, about everything…”

            Bellamy spoke with a shaky tone, “Clarke like I said water under the bridge.”

            Clarke shook her head, “Not for me Bell.”

            There was a pregnant pause before Bellamy spoke, “If you need forgiveness Clarke, then I forgive you.”

            Clarke didn’t know if she could think straight, “I don’t deserve you Bell.”

            Bellamy’s tone grew sad, “Clarke you deserve whatever you want in the world, and if that happens to be me then I’m yours Clarke.”

            Clarke felt like an emotional mess, “Bell so much has changed.”

            Bellamy replied with a quiet tone, “I know Clarke, but change isn’t always bad.”

            Clarke closed her eyes focusing on his voice, “Clarke you could grow a horn and shoot lasers out of your eyes, and I’d still never leave your life.”

            Clarke smiled wiping the tears from her eyes, “Well you couldn’t leave my life because I’d shoot lasers to stop you.”

            Bellamy laughed, “Well looks like we’ve come to an agreement. I’m in your life even if you shoot lasers at me.”

            Clarke laughed too having calmed down a bit, “Bell I don’t think I should come tonight.”

            His tone changed to surprise and worry, “Why not?”

            Clarke bit her lip, “I just… I don’t want to be a downer on what’s supposed to be a celebration for you.”

            She could hear the smile in Bellamy’s voice, “I’ll take a downer Clarke over no Clarke at all any day.”

            Clarke’s heart swelled, “Okay Bell…”

            She heard Bellamy chuckle, “Cry any more tears for me Clarke and I’m going to start to think you actually like me.”

            Clarke laughed, “Bell if I didn’t like you, you’d know it already.”

            Bellamy replied, “Statement of the year.”

            Clarke smiled, “See you tonight Bell.”

            Bellamy replied, “See you tonight Princess.”

            As Clarke hung up she smiled and stood up from the floor. She’d make it up to him, somehow she’d make everything up to Bellamy.  


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke glanced down to her phone as she stepped into her bedroom from the shower. She still had an hour before the welcome home celebration began. More than enough time to get ready, down a quick glass of wine, and mentally prep. The careful mask she’d adorned around her friends since Bellamy left was already cracked like an antique mirror dropped on the ground.

            Clarke really wasn’t feeling like another emotional breakdown. Two in 48 hours was enough. Clarke slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans, a white V-neck t-shirt, and her blue denim jacket. Walking to the mirror she decided to forgo the make up all together. Better safe than sorry. She trudged into her kitchen pouring her self a glass of wine.

            Taking a sip she heard her phone buzz from a text. Opening the screen she tapped on the text icon and her eyes lit up at the sight of Bellamy’s name.

            **Bellamy: Would I be an asshole if I skipped my own welcome home party?**

**Clarke: I think Octavia would disown you.**

**Bellamy: I’m sure I could find another little sister… Harper… Raven?**

**Clarke: Raven would kick your ass.**

**Bellamy: True…**

**Clarke: Suck it up, you have family and friends that love you.**

**Bellamy: You’re right… I’m just being grouchy.**

**Clarke: You are pretty much Statler and Waldorf personified**

**Bellamy: Muppets? Low blow Princess**

            Clarke smiled that dumb smile only Bellamy could cause.

            **Clarke: Bell would you expect anything less?**

**Bellamy: You are scrappy**

**Clarke: I’ll take that as a compliment**

**Bellamy:** **😉** **See you tonight Princess**

**Clarke: See you Bell**

Clarke turned off her phone screen and finished her glass of wine. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath. Tonight would be fun. She would be fun. It all would be a splendid night of fun.

            **An hour later**

Turns out the night was a whole lot of fun. Clarke arrived to meet the rest of the group as Monty and Jasper bum-rushed her to sit with them at their booth. Clarke smiled as Harper gave her a side hug and they caught up quickly. Raven and Wick appeared next. The newest couple to the group still had the group in wonder. Maybe they worked because Raven was so independent and Wick was so… Wick. Either way Raven and Wick were happy, and so was the rest of the group.

            A few other friends flooded into Grounders, and Clarke enjoyed the festive atmosphere. But, she felt a trepid excitement bubbling in her stomach. When the doors to Grounder opened once more everyone stood and yelled ‘Welcome Home,’ as Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln stepped through the doors.

            Bellamy’s eyes were lit with a little annoyance, but majority adoration for his friends. Everyone came to hug and shake his hand as Bellamy did his best to duck out of the crowd of friends. But, Bellamy wasn’t Noah and their sea of friends was too great. Clarke stood back at the booth not wanting to crowd. More than that not feeling like she should interrupt such a special moment.

            When Bellamy caught her glance she gave him a shy smile and a little wave. Bellamy returned her smile and gave her a questioning look. Clarke simply shook her head and he nodded. Since the first days of their friendship even on their worst days Bellamy and Clarke could speak volumes without uttering a single word. Octavia always use to tease them on it, but Bellamy and Clarke feigned ignorance.

            As the group settled down and ordered drinks Bellamy came to sit next to Clarke in the booth. Monty on Clarkes other size as they stuffed into the over sized seating area. Octavia said a few words before the group raised their glasses for their surrogate patriarchs return. Bellamy just rolled his eyes, but Clarke noticed the genuine happiness on his face.

            The group fell into a comfortable level of chatter as everyone inundated Bellamy with what he had missed. Clarke realized Bellamy was up to speed on many of the major events that had transpired since he left. And, Clarke’s heart sank when she realized he must have been in constant talks and messages from everyone in their friend group. Even Harper seemed to have caught Bellamy up on Monty and hers’ pregnancy. Clarke’s face paled. Everyone made an effort to reach out, and once again the reminder of her mistake presented itself.

            Jasper was in the middle of some grand explanation of Monty and his newest concoction that was going on the shelves at grounders when Clarke felt a hand grasp her own. Shaken from her thoughts by the familiar, but still fire inducing touch. She looked down and saw Bellamy’s larger hand covering her own, and Clarke instinctively linked their fingers. When she looked up Bellamy simply gave her a look of concern.

            Bellamy leaned in so his lips were a few inches from her ear, “Just be here with us Princess, nothing else matters.”

            Clarke bit her lip and nodded. His hand continued to be joined with hers as Bellamy spoke about a story from his deployment. Miller made a joke that had the whole table laughing and Clarke felt herself relax. Bellamy was right, she needed to be present. Because, fixing what happened wouldn’t take place over night. As she felt Bellamy’s thumb stroke the back of her hand Clarke relaxed and enjoyed the night.

            When it came time for the cake Bellamy groaned. Octavia had used a picture of Bellamy and the group back in the day. Bellamy had his black curls slicked back with gel, and Clarke couldn’t muffle the laugh at the sight. Bellamy glared at her, but she just squeezed his hand. Bellamy blew out the candles as everyone cheered, and Clarke smiled as Bellamy rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics.

            Soon everyone was eating cake and having another drink, and Clarke leaned into Bellamy’s side. His arm came to rest above her head on the back of the booth, and Clarke snuggled closer her head resting on his shoulder. The gang continued to reminisce over old times and new as the gentle thrum of the bar died down.

            Clarke didn’t realize it was almost midnight when the gang agreed it was time to call it a night. Everyone said their goodbyes as hugs and handshakes were had all around. Clarke hugged Octavia and the two spoke briefly as Lincoln and Bellamy closed out the tab.

            Octavia, “So you two look **extremely** comfortable tonight.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “Octavia drop it. Seriously we are just friends.”

            Octavia raised an eyebrow, “Back to friends now hm? Yesterday you two were nothing if I remember correctly.”

            Clarke sighed, “You’re just trying to get in my head.”

            Octavia had the signature Blake smirk on her face, “Blondie I’ve been in your head since the day I knocked you over on the playground.”

            Clarke’s eyes opened wide, “So you did do it on purpose!”

            Octavia shrugged, “Thought you looked like a nice person, and Bellamy needs to be surrounded by nicer people.”

            Clarke stepped forward, “You’ve been trying to get us together since day one.”

            Octavia tilted her head, “Clarke you have to know by now, I play the long game.”

            Clarke shook her head, “You are evil sometimes. You know that right?”

            Octavia laughed, “All’s fair in love and war Clarke, now back to…”

            Octavia was cut off as Lincoln hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. Octavia smiled big and then looked back at Clarke.

            “On second thought Clarke Lincoln’s tipsy and that means I need to get him home so we can.”

            Bellamy cut in loudly, “Okay! Octavia your Ubers outside, please get Lincoln home safely.”

            Lincoln spoke up, “Bellamy I love you man, I hope you know that. I’m so happy I met Octavia, and she has the best brother in the world and you two.”

            Clarke and Bellamy stifled their laugh and both shared a warm look. Turns out solemn Lincoln gets mushy when he’s had a few. Octavia simply giggled and took Lincolns hand. She kissed Bellamy on the cheek and waved goodbye to Clarke and him as the two left the bar. Bellamy and Clarke stood side by side and both released a sigh.

            Bellamy spoke first, “I forgot how energetic they all are.”

            Clarke smiled, “Well their papa bears back, so of course they’re lively tonight.”

            Bellamy sighed, “Sometimes I wonder when did we adopt so many strays?”

            Clarke grabbed his hand and led them out to the brisk Seattle night, “Face it Bell, you’ve got the biggest heart in the world. You attract people like milk to kittens.”

            Bellamy replied with mirth in his voice, “So that’s how I attracted you?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “No, that’s because of a grand conspiracy crafted up by none other than your devious sister.”

            Bellamy raised an eyebrow, “What?”

            Clarke released a chuckle, “I’ll tell you another time.”

            Bellamy looked confused, but relented for the time being.

            Bellamy spoke with a happy voice, “So where are we going Princess?”

            Clarke looked up at Bellamy and replied, “Well since Octavia and Lincoln are heading home to bump uglies I thought you could crash at my place to save yourself from the embarrassment.”

            Bellamy grimaced and nodded, “Forgot about that, good call.”

            Clarke nodded, “Gotta look out for each other right?”

            Bellamy smiled, “Right.”

            Clarke’s apartment was just a 15 minute walk away from Grounders so the two fell into a comfortable silence. Still holding each other’s hand Clarke smiled brightly. The cold Seattle air coloring her pale cheeks pink. Once they reach her apartment they climbed the stares until finally they were inside her warm apartment. Clarke hung up her jacket as Bellamy toed off his shoes.

            Clarke spoke as she walked into the kitchen, “Bell you want any tea?”

            Bellamy replied as he entered, “I’m good actually, thanks though.”

            Clarke nodded, “You know where the bathroom is?”

            Bellamy nodded and pointed down the hall as Clarke nodded also. He disappeared for a moment and Clarke leaned against the counter top. Her eyes drifted to the entrance of the apartment as she noticed Bellamy’s boots were sitting next to her converse. His black leather jacket hanging next to her blue denim one. Something stirred deep within the recesses of her heart at the sight.

            Before Clarke could focus on why she heard Bellamy enter the kitchen, and he looked at her with a soft smile.

            “So time to crash?”

            Clarke sighed but nodded, “That would be the responsible thing to do.”

            Bellamy smirked, “But, you’ve had a long week and I’ve just gotten back from a deployment… So let’s stay up and watch a crappy rom-com?”

            Clarke’s eyes lit up and she nearly bounced leading Bellamy over to the couch as he followed laughing behind her. Clarke plopped him down on the couch as she pulled out Friends with Benefits. One of her favorites, and one she knew Bellamy secretly enjoyed.

            After putting in the DVD Clarke sat down on the couch next to Bellamy. Grabbing the remote she started the movie. Feeling Bellamy’s arm over her shoulder she snuggled into his side, her head resting in the crook of his neck as she tucked her legs under her. Clarke’s arms came to wrap around his torso as she got comfortable.

            Bellamy spoke with a teasing tone, “You’re the only person I know who still uses DVD’s.”

            Clarke replied with a huff, “Well when the internet goes out guess who’s laughing?”

            Bellamy shook his head but looked down at Clarke’s whose eyes were plastered on the TV screen.

            “You are Princess.”

            Clarke missed the way Bellamy stared at her. His eyes holding only care and contentment. Clarke nuzzled into his neck during the too sweet parts causing Bellamy to laugh at her reaction. As the movie reached its climax Clarke was about to yell to Bellamy they were about to kiss when she heard a soft snore from beside her. Tilting her head up Clarke smiled softly. Bellamy’s was peacefully sleeping. His face completely relaxed. Clarke felt a pang in her heart as she reached a hand up to truck a dark curly lock behind his ear.

            Clarke’s brain registers that she needs to get up and go to her own bed. But, Clarke’s heart wins this round. Reach over to grab the blanket on the back of the couch Clarke opens it to fall on Bellamy and her. Bellamy shifts so he’s laying more on the couch, and Clarke stills thinking he’d woken up. But, his soft snoring rests of worried self as she lets him settle in. Bellamy is laying on his back one leg slightly dangling off the couch. Clarke bites her lip before giving in. Clarke lays at his side closer to the back of the couch as she rests her head on his strong chest. Bellamy’s arm comes to wrap around her back holding her in place. Clarke nuzzles her head into Bellamy’s neck as a soft smile paints her pink lips.

            Clarke’s hand his on Bellamy’s chest as she draws lazy circles with her fingers. She should be in her bed, but she isn’t. She’s cuddled up with a sleeping Bellamy on the couch, and even though she knows on a logical level her mind is right. She doesn’t want to listen to her mind anymore. Because this feels right, this feels like where she belongs.

            Lifting her head up slightly she looks at Bellamy the way only someone truly in love can. A sad smile tugs at her lips as she leans up and kisses his cheek lasting only a little to long. Pulling back she talks to him so quietly it’s barely a prayer on her lips.

            “Goodnight Bell.”

            Clarke rests her head once more as she dozes off. She can just imagine she heard Bellamy reply, “Goodnight princess.”


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke stirred as the light from one of her windows hit her smack dab in the face. I muffled groan escaped her lips as she snuggled deeper into her firm, and rising pillow. Wait, rising pillow? Clarke’s blue eyes opened blurrily as she blinked the sleep away. She was greeted with the visage of a strong chest, and plopping her chin up on said chest her eyes softened at the sight of a still sleeping Bellamy.

            Clarke had to stifle the near giggle in her throat as Bellamy snored ever so lightly. For some reason Clarke found it comforting. A sign that Bellamy had imperfections, which only endeared the man to her more if that were possible. Clarke ran a hand a long his bearded cheek enjoying the dichotomy between his scratchy face and smooth upper cheek. Clarke’s ministrations seemed to wake the slumbering Blake as Bellamy’s eyes struggled open before finding hers.

            Bellamy yawned and then spoke with a scratchy voice, “Mornin’.”

            Clarke fought back the smile on her face as much as possible, “Morning.”

            Instead of pulling back Bellamy tightened his hold around her middle and groaned, “Why in the world are we awake?”

            Clarke shrugged, “Dunne, maybe because we’re both low key insomniacs that somehow enjoy the morning.”

            Bellamy nodded, “How’re you always so accurate?”

            Clarke smiled cheekily and tapped her head and then his heart, “I’m the head, you’re the heart.”

            Bellamy gave her an expression she couldn’t pin down, but it stirred her heart.

            Bellamy spoke with a light tone, “We could just stay on the couch all day?”

            Clarke bit her lip, as tempted as she was for the offer she needed food, and more importantly coffee. Clarke grudgingly sat up, but Bellamy’s hands caught her waist as he shifted her to straddle him once more. In the morning light Clarke couldn’t stop the flush from her cheeks. His messy dark hair, sleepy eyes and smile. It was almost too much for Clarke.

            Clarke finally found the words to reply, “We need food, coffee, and more importantly showers Bell.”

            Bellamy raised an eyebrow, “Saying I smell Princess?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “You smell good Bell, I on the other hand need a shower.”

            Bellamy sat up suddenly and pinned her to the couch reversing their previous position. Clarke felt her hands pinned above her head. Bellamy leaned down, and for the briefest of moments Clarke’s eyes only saw his sinfully full lips. But, Clarke was surprised as she felt Bellamy’s face planted in her neck as she felt him breath over dramatically before whispering in her ear.

            “You smell perfect Princess.”

            Clarke’s face was one of pure shock as her mind shut down. His lips so close to her ear, his hard body pressed against her own. Before she could reply Bellamy was suddenly standing, his warmth quickly dissipating from her body. Clarke bit back a moan of disappointment as she looked up at a smirking Bellamy.

            “I’ll shower first then Princess.”

            Clarke sat up with a huff, “It’s my shower!”

            Bellamy walked away as Clarke’s eyes fell to his perfect ass barely hearing his retort.

            “I’m your guest!”

            Hearing the bathroom door click shut Clarke sighed to herself and let her face fall to her hands. What in the hell was she doing? She just slept with Bellamy. Well, not **slept** with him, but fell asleep with him. Still the lines were so blurred, and her heart felt as if it had been hit by a hurricane of emotions. She hadn’t been back with Bellamy for more than three days and he already had her on the edge of madness. Her mind told her to back off, but her heart was finally winning a battle.

            Clarke trudged over to the kitchen and started the coffee. Hearing the shower run she sat back against the counter top. Waking up with Bellamy felt as natural as breathing, and even though he was just a room away she already missed his presence. Before he left for this final deployment Clarke never questioned Bellamy being around. Clarke always felt like the world was in balance. Even during his previous deployment they skyped frequently, and the weekly letters were still stashed in her closet, as she always carried the most recent once with her to read whenever she felt down.

            But, a year of not contact was rough. Seriously fucking rough. And, now having him back right now in her apartment Clarke felt selfish, but she wanted him all for herself. If only she hadn’t been such an idiot and let her insecurities get the better of her before he left. Before he left it’s as if the stars had aligned, and Clarke was right at the finish line. But, she self-sabotaged like a champ.

            Clarke sighed as she heard the bathroom door click up and heard Bellamy’s heavy foot falls. When she looked up to meet his gaze she stopped at the old Army hoodie he currently wore.

            Bellamy pointed to the old hoodie with a knowing smile, “Look what I found! I seriously thought I lost this thing years ago.”

            Clarke fought her blush hard as she tried to play it cool, “Oh that thing? Yeah I meant to return it to you but you know timing never really…”

            Bellamy cut her off, “Princess I thought your thieving days were over?”

            Clarke crossed her arms, “I am not a thief! I was going to give it back.”

            Bellamy looked at her curiously, “When? My funeral?”

            Clarke frowned, “Don’t joke about that.”

            Bellamy’s eyes softened, “Sorry…”

            Clarke walked up to Bellamy and pulled the hood over his head making him laugh as she moved towards the bathroom. She didn’t have to turn around as she knew Bellay was watching her walk away, just a little sway in her hips. Serves him right. The one thing Clarke doesn’t joke about with anyone is death. It’s too real for a woman who’s already lost so many people she’s loved.

            Showering quickly Clarke dressed and moving back towards the kitchen Clarke stopped and leaned against the wall as she watch Bellamy work his magic. Clarke was a decent cook, but Bellamy was a master. He always chalked it up to having to cook Octavia breakfast and dinner after their Mom passed. For Clarke it was just another aspect of Bellamy on a list that ran a mile long. A list that proved to Clarke what a special man he was.

            Bellamy turned and smiled at Clarke, “Coffee’s on the table Princess, give me like ten minutes and breakfast will be ready.”

            Clarke nodded, “My hero.”

            Bellamy grimaced, “Not a hero, just a guy who can cook eggs and French toast without burning it.”

            Clarke smiled at his humility and sat at the island and placed her hands around the warm cup of god’s nectar. Taking a sip she just took in all of Bellamy as he turned to finish cooking. He was humming some tune as he flipped the French toast. Wearing his old hoodie, that was technically now hers, but she let him think it was still his. Hair still damp from the shower, and body relaxed Clarke couldn’t help picking up her phone and taking a picture. When she looked down she smiled to herself. This image a long with the one of him during the fireworks was officially ranked among her favorites.

            When Bellamy turned to fill their plates Clarke set her phone down and looked at the food.

            “Bell this looks delicious.”

            Bell gave her a sheepish smile in return, “its just breakfast Clarke, not like I made a gourmet buffet for you.”

            Clarke stuck her tongue out, “Take the compliment Blake and come sit with me and eat breakfast.”

            Bellamy smirked, “Always so bossy.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “You love it.”

            Bellamy shrugged, “I mean you’re not wrong.”

            Clarke froze at his words, but if Bellamy meant to shock her he didn’t look like it. He came around with their plates and pushed hers toward her. Clarke took it graciously as she began to pour syrup on her French Toast. They ate in comfortable silence, and Clarke’s heart returned to its regular beating nature.

            Clarke released a soft moan at the taste of the food. She could cook, but damnit Bellamy could **cook**. He chuckled at his response, and Clarke smiled to him at the look of pride on his face.

            As they finished breakfast Clarke went to do the dishes but Bellamy just bumped her out of the way with his hips.

            Clarke spoke with a huff, “You cooked breakfast, the least I can do is the dishes.”

            Bellamy shook his head, “Clarke you let me crash at your place and eat your food. Least I can do is the dishes.”

            Clarke frowned, “This isn’t one I win is it?”

            Bellamy smiled, “Nope, and I’m glad you’re finally realizing I’m right half of the time.”

            Clarke replied, “Like ten percent of the time.”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes, “Jesus sometimes I think you get off on arguing with me.”

            Clarke didn’t reply. Oh only if you knew sweet Bell. She just turned around grabbing her coffee and shuffling over to the couch. Still watching Bellamy the entire time as he cleaned up. Her heart actually hurt with how domestic and at ease he looked. He had a small smile painted on his perfect lips, and Clarke wanted this moment to last forever. But, of course nothing ever does.

            Clarke spoke with as neutral a tone as she could, “So what’re you up to today?”

            Bellamy finished up cleaning and replied, “Got to head back to Octavia’s to pick up my stuff. Then going to crash with Murphy until I find a place.”

            Clarke nodded, she’d offer for Bellamy to stay with her. But, sadly she had a one bedroom and as spacious as it was she didn’t think Bellamy would really go for sharing the same bed. Though how well they slept together last night… Clarke shook her head; not a good road to lead now right now.

            Bellamy finished wiping his hands as he joined her on the couch.

            He continued, “After that just going to get my bearings before showing up to my first day of work tomorrow.”

            Clarke frowned, “You’re not going to take any time off?”

            Bellamy shrugged, “You know me Clarke, I’d go crazy if I just sat around all day watching Netflix.”

            Clarke nodded, “Wasn’t so bad last night?”

            Bellamy smiled, “That’s because it was with you Princess.”

            Clarke raised an eyebrow, “What’s the difference?”

            Bellamy replied as if it were the only answer in the world, “I could stare at drying paint with you Princess and it’d be entertaining.”

            Clarke’s heart fluttered. She knew he didn’t mean anything romantic by it, but the fact that Bellamy was willing to admit that being with her was just as enjoyable as her being with him it struck a chord.

            Clarke replied, “Well I’ll have you know that spending time with you is also a high light for me.”

            Bellamy smiled big towards her as they both took a sip of their coffee. Clarke sat back and put on a random tv show as the two just sat. Like magnets Clarke and Bellamy eventually came together on the couch. Clarke’s legs laying over Bellamy’s as she leaned into his chest. His arm around her shoulder with her head tucked underneath his chin.

            They stayed this way for another two hours only moving slightly to stay comfortable. Clarke didn’t know when she dozed off, but the sound of Bellamy’s heart beat and the warmth emanating from her body lulled her into a nap. Clarke a woke with the feel of Bellamy’s thumb stroking her upper thigh. She smiled at the soothing gesture, and when she opened her eyes Bellamy was fully engrossed on whatever documentary he had changed the channel to.

            Clarke studied his face. He was older, objectively speaking. They all were. But, Clarke could see a few new lines a long the sides of his eyes. Bellamy was always an old soul, but after joining the Army he seemed even older. His once all encompassing fire of a personality had wizened. He didn’t argue as much with others, and when she saw him about to burst he schooled his features and actually sat back and listened. Clarke loved all aspects of Bellamy, but the older they got the more Clarke appreciated his faults as well. Because unlike most others Bellamy admitted them and worked on them.

            He wasn’t perfect, and neither was she. But, Clarke was drawn to Bellamy for everything that he is. When he peered down at her he spoke with a soft tone.

            “Good morning again Princess.”

            Clarke hid her face in his chest, “Don’t blame me, you’re so damn comfortable. It’s seriously unfair.”

            Bellamy laughed and Clarke bit her lip to stop the sound that nearly escaped her throat as she felt the vibrations through his chest. Instead she fisted the old hoodie he wore on his chest. She felt his hand rub soothing circles into her back and Clarke felt herself relax completely into his touch. Her eyes closed.

            What did she do to deserve to be next to his man? She seriously wracked her brain. Here she was cuddled on a couch in his arms, as he cooked her breakfast, did the dishes, and let her climb all over him like he was her personal pillow. And, he didn’t ask for anything in return.

            Clarke pulled away just enough to look at Bellamy.

            “What can I do for you Bell?”

            Bellamy arched an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

            Clarke shrugged her shoulder her voice growing smaller, “It’s just you do so much for everyone else. What can I do for you?”

            Bellamy’s eyes searched her own, and as he opened his mouth to speak his phone went off. He groaned and closed his eyes before Clarke reached over and picked up his phone. Seeing that it was Octavia Clarke answered it.

            Bellamy looked at her with a curious glance, but Clarke just smiled and shook her head.

            Clarke spoke, “Hey Octavia.”

            Octavia’s voice rose with surprise, “Oh hi Clark! Is my brother there? He didn’t come back last night. I didn’t know if he got run over by a car or stabbed by a hooker.”

            Bellamy nearly yelled as Clarke smacked his chest lightly, “Octavia I’m your big brother, I’m the one who gets to worry about you!”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “We came back to my apartment, had a little too much wine, and then crashed he’s alive and well.”

            Octavia laughed, “Well if a little too much wine is what the kids are calling it these days…”

            Both Clarke and Bellamy yelled in unison, “We just fell asleep!”

            Octavia goaded them further, “Right… Also you’re still talking at the same time.”

            Bellamy nabbed the phone from Clarke’s hand and spoke with an annoyed tone, “I’ll see you in a bit Octavia and he hung up.”

            Both sighed as Bellamy spoke, “I should get going.”

            Clarke nodded, but neither moved. Clarke just rested her head against Bellamy’s chest once more, and Bellamy wrapped both arms around Clarke.

            Bellamy spoke with a soft tone, “Thanks for a wonderful morning Clarke.”

            She nodded not trusting herself to speak as he continued, “Still on for coffee this week?”

            Clarke nodded again and looked up to meet his gaze. His smile so loving she felt like she could melt. Bellamy kissed her forehead and Clarke was officially done. Best morning ever.

Chapter Seven

            Clarke sat nervously tapping her foot on the ground as she gazed out of the Arkadia coffee shops window. Her eyes scanning the passersby as they tried to dodge the oncoming rain. Looking down at her phone she noted Bellamy still had ten minutes before he was late for their coffee date. Was it a date? I mean two friends can grab coffee just to hangout. But, were they still friends? Friends don’t usually spend the night sleeping together. Again they didn’t **sleep** together, but fell asleep together… Clarke let her gaze fall to her coffee. Steam rising from the deep brown liquid, warm to the touch like how Bellamy’s eyes made her feel every time to stared into their dark depths.

            Clarke wasn’t usually a melodramatic person, but we all have that one person that turns us inside out and upside down. And, that person for Clarke was Bellamy Blake.

            Clarke was stirred from her thoughts as she felt a pair of strong hands on her shoulder. Jerking her head back in surprise Clarke released a brief yell in surprise as standing behind her was none other than the man on her mind.

            Clarke smacked his hands away as he came to sit across from her all the while chuckling.

            “Bellamy you’re such a jerk! You know I don’t like people sneaking up on me.”

            Bellamy shrugged, “You know love it.”

            Clarke shook her head, “I don’t love it.” _I love you._

Bellamy continued to chuckle as one of the barista’s brought him his coffee. Clarke noticed the way the barista’s eyes scanned Bellamy’s form as he smiled that smirk of his. The waitress continued to chat with him for a few seconds before she noticed Clarke who was actually glaring at the young woman. The barista seemed to get the message and scurried off, and when Clarke met Bellamy’s gaze she could groan at the shit eating grin on his face.

            “Geeze Princess if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were a little jealous.”

            Clarke scoffed, “Right, jealous of someone chatting you up.”

            Well she didn’t like, but her tone made the comment go over as completely sarcastic. Bellamy kept that damned smirk painted on his lips. And, Clarke continued.

            “So how’s your morning going?”

            Bellamy took a sip of his coffee before replying, “Good so far. Having my own room again is nice. After sharing barracks with my Soldiers having some personal space is a godsend.”

            Clarke nodded, “I can imagine, even when it was just Harper and I during college we almost pulled each other’s hair out by the end. I can’t imagine having more than one roommate.”

            Bellamy shrugged, “You get pretty good at finding some personal alone time by the end.”

            Clarke was about to ask what he meant before her cheeks grew red as the implication dawned on her, “I bet that’d be rough.”

            Bellamy shook his head, “You have no idea. A porta jon in Afghanistan during the summer’s not exactly conducive to a good time.”

            Clarke snorted into her drink laughing and choked a bit before continuing to laugh, “You are disgusting!”

            Bellamy laughed too, “Hey don’t judge, persons got to do what a person’s got to do!”

            Clarke settled down with a smile still gracing her lips, “So how was it all if I can ask?”

            Bellamy sat back his smile falling, “What part?”

            Clarke replied with a soft tone, “I don’t know. Whatever you want to tell me?”

            Bellamy sighed, “It was my third deployment Princess, so nothing really out of the ordinary.”

            Clarke spoke, “Well for those of us who’s only frame of reference is Call of Duty and old war movies enlighten me?”

            Bellamy replied with a lopsided smile, “Nothing to exciting. I was an MP, so base security, some patrols, and being the ass everyone hated because he wrote speeding tickets on base.”

            Clarke smiled a little, “Who would’ve known Bellamy would grow up to be the one enforcing the rules?”

            Bellamy smiled in return, “We’re all full of surprises Princess.”

            Clarke replied, “So you stayed safe?”

            Bellamy looked down into his coffee, “As safe as can be Clarke. People think the hardest part is the ‘action’ but really it’s the waiting. Waiting for a mission, waiting to get back to your rack to check if anyone’s messaged you, waiting to come home.”

            Clarke listened intently as Bellamy continued, “People think that it’s all fire fights and explosions, but it’s 99% mundane check the block and you hope deep down you don’t have to be the one to deal with that 1%. Because that’s when people don’t come home.”

            Bellamy’s eyes looked so far away as he spoke, “And, you selfishly think better the other guy than me. Does that make me a monster Clarke?”

            Clarke reach forward and took his hand in her own stroking her thumb over the back of it.

            “No Bell, I think that makes you human. No one wants to die, and I know that you did everything you could to help others. And, if wanting you to come home safe makes a person selfish than I’m the most selfish person in the world.”

            Bellamy looked at her with an expression that made Clarke’s heart flutter as he spoke, “Thank you Clarke, honestly.”

            Clarke continued to stroke the back of his hand before pulling back and nodding, “Of course Bell, and if you decided to get hurt you know I’d have to come over and pull your dumb butt home.”

            This drew laugh from Bellamy that made Clarke smile brightly, “I know you would Princess.”

            Clarke looked down at her coffee and bit her lip. She didn’t know why she brought it up, but now was as good a time as any.

            Clarke looked up and spoke with resolve, “Bellamy I’m sorry for everything that happened before you left, and I’m sorry for not contacting you.”

            Bellamy sighed and before he could say it was water under the bridge Clarke cut him off.

            “Bell, please I have to say this. I owe it to you, and to me.”

            Bellamy nodded and gave her an understanding look, “Bell the day before you left I… I freaked out.”

            Clarke steadied her breathing, “I… it just become real that you were leaving again, and I didn’t… It felt like when my Dad left the day he died. Like I was saying goodbye, and I would never see you again.”

            Clarke watched as Bellamy squeezed his fist in order to stop himself from talking. Clarke appreciated the gesture.

            “Bell you mean the world to me, and I just… I sat in front of my door trying to leave, but I just started crying and couldn’t stop. When you called me, I just looked at that picture of you from the 4th of July and I realized that I couldn’t lose you…”

            Clarke’s hands shook, “And, for whatever reason pushing you away meant that you leaving wasn’t real. You couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to me. I know it sounds stupid, but it just made sense.”

            Clarke felt tears well in her blue eyes as she continued, “When Octavia called me and told me you were gone I knew that I had made the worst mistake in my life.”

            Clarke looked up at him and held his gaze with the saddest smile Bellamy had ever seen.

            Clarke spoke with a sad laugh, “Every time you reached out to me I felt myself sink deeper and deeper into this feeling of loss that when you stopped I finally realized what I’d done.”

            Clarke let a tear fall, “I pushed you away because I didn’t know what else to do. And, I have to live with what I’ve done for the rest of my life. You don’t have to forgive me, and if you hate me I understand because I was a complete and utter idiot.”

            Before Clarke could continue Bellamy stood and came around the table. His arms came to wrap around Clarke’s body as hers came around his middle. Clarke let herself cry into his chest as she felt Bellamy kiss the top of her head.

            His voice was low so only she could hear it, “Clarke I forgive you, but I need you to know something.”

            She felt his hand tilt her chin up as his thumb wiped away a stray tear. His eyes held nothing but warm and softness as he spoke, “Clarke Griffin, I could never hate you no matter what. We could go a lifetime without speaking, but no matter where we are in the world I will always be your friend.”

            Clarke’s heart broke at his words. The sincerity and love behind them was all she needed, and her eyes fluttered close as Bellamy pressed his soft lips to her forehead. Pulling back Bellamy smile and Clarke returned his smile with her nose red and puffy.

            “Let’s go back to your place?”

            Clarke nodded, “Yeah, I think we should.”

            Once they arrived at Clarke’s apartment she toed off her shoes and Bellamy followed her lead. Moving to the couch Clarke sat down and Bellamy sat a few feet from her. Clarke clasped her hands together as she waited for either of them to speak. Bellamy for some reason looked just as lost as she felt, and that comforted her. At least she wasn’t the only one.

            They both spoke at the same time, “So I was think…”

            A laugh filled the room as Bellamy spoke first, “God why is this so awkward?”

            Clarke shook her head, “I don’t know… can we just go back to fighting all of the time?”

            Bellamy nodded, “Life was so much easier when we were enemies right?”

            Clarke smirked, “Hey I was never your enemy… More like frenemy heavy on the e part.”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes, “Okay, so frenemy’s heavy on the e.”

            Clarke laid the side of her head on the couch, “We really are stubborn aren’t we?”

            Bellamy pointed to Clarke, “unstoppable force,” he then pointed to himself, “immovable object.”

            This drew a laugh from Clarke, “Imagine if we had kids!”

            Clarke’s laugh died in her throat as she watched Bellamy’s face falter. Clarke quickly spoke, “I mean not that you’d want to have kids with me or anything! Just that’d they’d be so strong willed and… I’m going to shut up now.”

            Bellamy gave her a strange look, “Why wouldn’t I want to have kids with you?”

            Clarke was panicking, this is not where she wanted the conversation to go.

            “Come on Bell I was just joking.”

            Bellamy had a serious expression, “Clarke, just answer the question.”

            Clarke shook her head and her eyebrows fell, “No Bell, why does it matter?”

            Bellamy leaned closer, “It’s just a simple question Clarke, just answer.”

            Clarke shook her head, “No Bell.”

            Bellamy continued, “Clarke…”

            Clarke raised her voice, “Bell I said no!”

            He huffed, “Clarke come one why wouldn’t I…”

            Clarke stood upbrubtly, “Because we’d never end up together, so why does it even matter?!”

            Clarke felt her anger and sadness rise. Bellamy stood to tower over her as he took a step forward making her step back nervously.

            “Clarke why wouldn’t we end up together?”

            Clarke’s eyes looked like a wild animal trapped, and like a trapped wild animal she lashed out.

            She nearly screamed as her eyes grew angry, “Bell you’d never fall in love with someone like me! I’m hard headed, cold, and calculating.”

            Bellamy stepped forward and Clarke felt like she was losing room to back up.

            He spoke with a serious tone, “Then what am I?”

            Clarke’s eyes darted between his own, “You’re Bellamy. Warm, caring, and all heart.”

            Bellamy gave her an expression she couldn’t read, “The heart needs the brain.”

            Clarke felt her back hit the wall and Bellamy stopped less than foot in front of her. For some reason Clarke didn’t feel trapped. She knew instincevly that Bellamy would never do anything to hurt her. Her fear didn’t come from Bellamy, but from herself. If she said it she’d ruin their friendship. Clarke had just gotten him back, and she couldn’t lose him again.

            Clarke shook her head, “You deserve someone who will give you the love and support you deserve Bell.”

            Bellamy inched closer staring down at her with his dark eyes, “And, you wouldn’t Clarke?”

            Clarke stared at him nervously, “Bell you don’t want me.”

            Bell leaned down so his forehead was touching hers. Clarke’s breathe was shaky as her eyes locked with his.

            “And why do you get to tell me what I want Clarke?”

            Clarke licked her lips and replied, “Because I know what’s good for you Bell.”

            Bellamy chuckled darkly, “And, how would you know what’s good for me?”

            Clarke closed her eyes, and when she opened them she gave him a look of defiance but fear.

            “Because I love you more than anyone in this world Bellamy.”

            Clarke watched as his eyes widened before his dark irises grew darker than she’d ever seen. A small smile graced his lips as Clarke felt his strong hand cup her cheek.

            He spoke in a soft tone, “Well Clarke what a coincidence, because I love you more than anyone in this world too.”

            Clarke’s heart swelled, and before she could say anything in return Bellamy’s lips crashed against her own. Clarke’s arms flew around his neck as they kissed. It felt like fire works going off in Clarke’s entire body as their lips moved against one another’s. Clarke lost herself in the feel, smell, and touch of Bellamy. Her hands coming to thread themselves in his soft black locks. Clarke moaned as she felt Bellamy nip at her bottom lip, and Clarke’s tongue pressed against his own.

            Clarke didn’t know how long they kissed, but as they surfaced for oxygen her eyes opened to the sight of Bellamy. His lips swollen, eyes dark with desire and love, and hair tussled. Clarke wanted to take another picture of him right now.

            Bellamy spoke with a shaky voice, “Wow Princess.”

            He rested his forehead against her own as Clarke replied, “You can say that again.”

            Bellamy laughed as he kissed her more gently this time. When he pulled back Clarke smiled shyly at him.

            Clarke spoke with a dreamy tone, “So… I guess we’re together?”

            Bellamy nodded with a smile, “I guess we are… god everyone’s going to freak out.”

            Clarke laughed, “One thing at a time Bell.”

            Bellamy nodded, “Right as always Princess.”

            They continued to kiss and Clarke’s heart cheered as her brain gave a thumbs up. Maybe the heart could be right sometimes.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke sat nervously tapping her foot on the ground as she gazed out of the Arkadia coffee shops window. Her eyes scanning the passersby as they tried to dodge the oncoming rain. Looking down at her phone she noted Bellamy still had ten minutes before he was late for their coffee date. Was it a date? I mean two friends can grab coffee just to hangout. But, were they still friends? Friends don’t usually spend the night sleeping together. Again they didn’t **sleep** together, but fell asleep together… Clarke let her gaze fall to her coffee. Steam rising from the deep brown liquid, warm to the touch like how Bellamy’s eyes made her feel every time to stared into their dark depths.

            Clarke wasn’t usually a melodramatic person, but we all have that one person that turns us inside out and upside down. And, that person for Clarke was Bellamy Blake.

            Clarke was stirred from her thoughts as she felt a pair of strong hands on her shoulder. Jerking her head back in surprise Clarke released a brief yell in surprise as standing behind her was none other than the man on her mind.

            Clarke smacked his hands away as he came to sit across from her all the while chuckling.

            “Bellamy you’re such a jerk! You know I don’t like people sneaking up on me.”

            Bellamy shrugged, “You know love it.”

            Clarke shook her head, “I don’t love it.” _I love you._

Bellamy continued to chuckle as one of the barista’s brought him his coffee. Clarke noticed the way the barista’s eyes scanned Bellamy’s form as he smiled that smirk of his. The waitress continued to chat with him for a few seconds before she noticed Clarke who was actually glaring at the young woman. The barista seemed to get the message and scurried off, and when Clarke met Bellamy’s gaze she could groan at the shit eating grin on his face.

            “Geeze Princess if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were a little jealous.”

            Clarke scoffed, “Right, jealous of someone chatting you up.”

            Well she didn’t like, but her tone made the comment go over as completely sarcastic. Bellamy kept that damned smirk painted on his lips. And, Clarke continued.

            “So how’s your morning going?”

            Bellamy took a sip of his coffee before replying, “Good so far. Having my own room again is nice. After sharing barracks with my Soldiers having some personal space is a godsend.”

            Clarke nodded, “I can imagine, even when it was just Harper and I during college we almost pulled each other’s hair out by the end. I can’t imagine having more than one roommate.”

            Bellamy shrugged, “You get pretty good at finding some personal alone time by the end.”

            Clarke was about to ask what he meant before her cheeks grew red as the implication dawned on her, “I bet that’d be rough.”

            Bellamy shook his head, “You have no idea. A porta jon in Afghanistan during the summer’s not exactly conducive to a good time.”

            Clarke snorted into her drink laughing and choked a bit before continuing to laugh, “You are disgusting!”

            Bellamy laughed too, “Hey don’t judge, persons got to do what a person’s got to do!”

            Clarke settled down with a smile still gracing her lips, “So how was it all if I can ask?”

            Bellamy sat back his smile falling, “What part?”

            Clarke replied with a soft tone, “I don’t know. Whatever you want to tell me?”

            Bellamy sighed, “It was my third deployment Princess, so nothing really out of the ordinary.”

            Clarke spoke, “Well for those of us who’s only frame of reference is Call of Duty and old war movies enlighten me?”

            Bellamy replied with a lopsided smile, “Nothing to exciting. I was an MP, so base security, some patrols, and being the ass everyone hated because he wrote speeding tickets on base.”

            Clarke smiled a little, “Who would’ve known Bellamy would grow up to be the one enforcing the rules?”

            Bellamy smiled in return, “We’re all full of surprises Princess.”

            Clarke replied, “So you stayed safe?”

            Bellamy looked down into his coffee, “As safe as can be Clarke. People think the hardest part is the ‘action’ but really it’s the waiting. Waiting for a mission, waiting to get back to your rack to check if anyone’s messaged you, waiting to come home.”

            Clarke listened intently as Bellamy continued, “People think that it’s all fire fights and explosions, but it’s 99% mundane check the block and you hope deep down you don’t have to be the one to deal with that 1%. Because that’s when people don’t come home.”

            Bellamy’s eyes looked so far away as he spoke, “And, you selfishly think better the other guy than me. Does that make me a monster Clarke?”

            Clarke reach forward and took his hand in her own stroking her thumb over the back of it.

            “No Bell, I think that makes you human. No one wants to die, and I know that you did everything you could to help others. And, if wanting you to come home safe makes a person selfish than I’m the most selfish person in the world.”

            Bellamy looked at her with an expression that made Clarke’s heart flutter as he spoke, “Thank you Clarke, honestly.”

            Clarke continued to stroke the back of his hand before pulling back and nodding, “Of course Bell, and if you decided to get hurt you know I’d have to come over and pull your dumb butt home.”

            This drew laugh from Bellamy that made Clarke smile brightly, “I know you would Princess.”

            Clarke looked down at her coffee and bit her lip. She didn’t know why she brought it up, but now was as good a time as any.

            Clarke looked up and spoke with resolve, “Bellamy I’m sorry for everything that happened before you left, and I’m sorry for not contacting you.”

            Bellamy sighed and before he could say it was water under the bridge Clarke cut him off.

            “Bell, please I have to say this. I owe it to you, and to me.”

            Bellamy nodded and gave her an understanding look, “Bell the day before you left I… I freaked out.”

            Clarke steadied her breathing, “I… it just become real that you were leaving again, and I didn’t… It felt like when my Dad left the day he died. Like I was saying goodbye, and I would never see you again.”

            Clarke watched as Bellamy squeezed his fist in order to stop himself from talking. Clarke appreciated the gesture.

            “Bell you mean the world to me, and I just… I sat in front of my door trying to leave, but I just started crying and couldn’t stop. When you called me, I just looked at that picture of you from the 4th of July and I realized that I couldn’t lose you…”

            Clarke’s hands shook, “And, for whatever reason pushing you away meant that you leaving wasn’t real. You couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to me. I know it sounds stupid, but it just made sense.”

            Clarke felt tears well in her blue eyes as she continued, “When Octavia called me and told me you were gone I knew that I had made the worst mistake in my life.”

            Clarke looked up at him and held his gaze with the saddest smile Bellamy had ever seen.

            Clarke spoke with a sad laugh, “Every time you reached out to me I felt myself sink deeper and deeper into this feeling of loss that when you stopped I finally realized what I’d done.”

            Clarke let a tear fall, “I pushed you away because I didn’t know what else to do. And, I have to live with what I’ve done for the rest of my life. You don’t have to forgive me, and if you hate me I understand because I was a complete and utter idiot.”

            Before Clarke could continue Bellamy stood and came around the table. His arms came to wrap around Clarke’s body as hers came around his middle. Clarke let herself cry into his chest as she felt Bellamy kiss the top of her head.

            His voice was low so only she could hear it, “Clarke I forgive you, but I need you to know something.”

            She felt his hand tilt her chin up as his thumb wiped away a stray tear. His eyes held nothing but warm and softness as he spoke, “Clarke Griffin, I could never hate you no matter what. We could go a lifetime without speaking, but no matter where we are in the world I will always be your friend.”

            Clarke’s heart broke at his words. The sincerity and love behind them was all she needed, and her eyes fluttered close as Bellamy pressed his soft lips to her forehead. Pulling back Bellamy smile and Clarke returned his smile with her nose red and puffy.

            “Let’s go back to your place?”

            Clarke nodded, “Yeah, I think we should.”

            Once they arrived at Clarke’s apartment she toed off her shoes and Bellamy followed her lead. Moving to the couch Clarke sat down and Bellamy sat a few feet from her. Clarke clasped her hands together as she waited for either of them to speak. Bellamy for some reason looked just as lost as she felt, and that comforted her. At least she wasn’t the only one.

            They both spoke at the same time, “So I was think…”

            A laugh filled the room as Bellamy spoke first, “God why is this so awkward?”

            Clarke shook her head, “I don’t know… can we just go back to fighting all of the time?”

            Bellamy nodded, “Life was so much easier when we were enemies right?”

            Clarke smirked, “Hey I was never your enemy… More like frenemy heavy on the e part.”

            Bellamy rolled his eyes, “Okay, so frenemy’s heavy on the e.”

            Clarke laid the side of her head on the couch, “We really are stubborn aren’t we?”

            Bellamy pointed to Clarke, “unstoppable force,” he then pointed to himself, “immovable object.”

            This drew a laugh from Clarke, “Imagine if we had kids!”

            Clarke’s laugh died in her throat as she watched Bellamy’s face falter. Clarke quickly spoke, “I mean not that you’d want to have kids with me or anything! Just that’d they’d be so strong willed and… I’m going to shut up now.”

            Bellamy gave her a strange look, “Why wouldn’t I want to have kids with you?”

            Clarke was panicking, this is not where she wanted the conversation to go.

            “Come on Bell I was just joking.”

            Bellamy had a serious expression, “Clarke, just answer the question.”

            Clarke shook her head and her eyebrows fell, “No Bell, why does it matter?”

            Bellamy leaned closer, “It’s just a simple question Clarke, just answer.”

            Clarke shook her head, “No Bell.”

            Bellamy continued, “Clarke…”

            Clarke raised her voice, “Bell I said no!”

            He huffed, “Clarke come one why wouldn’t I…”

            Clarke stood upbrubtly, “Because we’d never end up together, so why does it even matter?!”

            Clarke felt her anger and sadness rise. Bellamy stood to tower over her as he took a step forward making her step back nervously.

            “Clarke why wouldn’t we end up together?”

            Clarke’s eyes looked like a wild animal trapped, and like a trapped wild animal she lashed out.

            She nearly screamed as her eyes grew angry, “Bell you’d never fall in love with someone like me! I’m hard headed, cold, and calculating.”

            Bellamy stepped forward and Clarke felt like she was losing room to back up.

            He spoke with a serious tone, “Then what am I?”

            Clarke’s eyes darted between his own, “You’re Bellamy. Warm, caring, and all heart.”

            Bellamy gave her an expression she couldn’t read, “The heart needs the brain.”

            Clarke felt her back hit the wall and Bellamy stopped less than foot in front of her. For some reason Clarke didn’t feel trapped. She knew instincevly that Bellamy would never do anything to hurt her. Her fear didn’t come from Bellamy, but from herself. If she said it she’d ruin their friendship. Clarke had just gotten him back, and she couldn’t lose him again.

            Clarke shook her head, “You deserve someone who will give you the love and support you deserve Bell.”

            Bellamy inched closer staring down at her with his dark eyes, “And, you wouldn’t Clarke?”

            Clarke stared at him nervously, “Bell you don’t want me.”

            Bell leaned down so his forehead was touching hers. Clarke’s breathe was shaky as her eyes locked with his.

            “And why do you get to tell me what I want Clarke?”

            Clarke licked her lips and replied, “Because I know what’s good for you Bell.”

            Bellamy chuckled darkly, “And, how would you know what’s good for me?”

            Clarke closed her eyes, and when she opened them she gave him a look of defiance but fear.

            “Because I love you more than anyone in this world Bellamy.”

            Clarke watched as his eyes widened before his dark irises grew darker than she’d ever seen. A small smile graced his lips as Clarke felt his strong hand cup her cheek.

            He spoke in a soft tone, “Well Clarke what a coincidence, because I love you more than anyone in this world too.”

            Clarke’s heart swelled, and before she could say anything in return Bellamy’s lips crashed against her own. Clarke’s arms flew around his neck as they kissed. It felt like fire works going off in Clarke’s entire body as their lips moved against one another’s. Clarke lost herself in the feel, smell, and touch of Bellamy. Her hands coming to thread themselves in his soft black locks. Clarke moaned as she felt Bellamy nip at her bottom lip, and Clarke’s tongue pressed against his own.

            Clarke didn’t know how long they kissed, but as they surfaced for oxygen her eyes opened to the sight of Bellamy. His lips swollen, eyes dark with desire and love, and hair tussled. Clarke wanted to take another picture of him right now.

            Bellamy spoke with a shaky voice, “Wow Princess.”

            He rested his forehead against her own as Clarke replied, “You can say that again.”

            Bellamy laughed as he kissed her more gently this time. When he pulled back Clarke smiled shyly at him.

            Clarke spoke with a dreamy tone, “So… I guess we’re together?”

            Bellamy nodded with a smile, “I guess we are… god everyone’s going to freak out.”

            Clarke laughed, “One thing at a time Bell.”

            Bellamy nodded, “Right as always Princess.”

            They continued to kiss and Clarke’s heart cheered as her brain gave a thumbs up. Maybe the heart could be right sometimes.


	8. Chapter 8

The day before Bellamy had left everything seemed to fall apart for Clarke

            As clearly as day she remembers waking up that morning. Rolling over to her side she checked her phone and bleary eyed responded to a text from Octavia.

            **Octavia: You’re still coming tonight right?**

**Clarke: I’ll be there.**

**Octavia: Just making sure, you’ve been off for the last few days**

**Clarke: It’s just been a long week at the hospital**

**Octavia: Let me know if you need anything Blondie**

**Clarke: <3**

Clarke was about to set her phone down when she got another text.

            **Bellamy: Octavia annoying you about tonight?**

**Clarke: Are you psychic now?**

**Bellamy: Sitting next to her on the couch and being nosy.**

**Clarke: Invasion of privacy much?**

**Bellamy: She’s my sister, there’s no just thing as privacy.**

**Clarke: Creepy, but she’s just making sure we’re all there for your send off.**

**Bellamy: You’re going to miss me** **😉**

**Clarke: I’m not going to lie. Not having your stubborn face around is going to be weird.**

**Bellamy: We’ve done this before Clarke. It’s just a year.**

**Clarke: Thank god for Facetime right?**

**Bellamy: Clarke…**

**Clarke: I’ll see you tonight Bell.**

Clarke turned off her screen as she set her phone back down. A frown formed on her face. This was Bellamy’s third deployment, and even though it was his longest one at a year he was right. They’d been through this before. The tearful goodbye’s, long and emotional hugs, and then months of messaging, calls, and letters. Clarke felt herself grow with dread though. A full year without Bellamy…

            Clarke willed herself to get up and shower as she got ready for the morning. As she went throughout her day she felt the dread grow like a disease through the body. Each breath she took felt heavier and heavier. As the hours ticked by Clarke found herself looking through old pictures of the gang. She always had a knack of capturing them in their natural habitats. Raven under the hood of a truck, Octavia and Lincoln barbequing and laughing, and Bellamy staring off into the distance pondering to heard for a man his age.

            Clarke passed by picture after picture of Bellamy and realized that a lot of the pictures she took were of him.

            When he first graduated from basic training with Octavia slung on his side looking prideful.

            When Bellamy helped Lincoln paint the outside of Octavia and Lincolns new home. Both of the men covered in paint and smiling.

            Bellamy dancing with Octavia at Monty and Harper’s wedding.

            She cherished ever photo of the man who had captured her heart the day he helped her up at the playground. Clarke stilled at one photo. Octavia had stolen her camera during Monty and Harper’s wedding.

            Clarke and Bellamy were dancing to a slow song both just talking about the happy day and life in general. Clarke had never felt as free as that night. Simply laughing with the man she loved, and not thinking about tomorrow. Bellamy pressed his forehead against hers as they both held a secret smile only meant for each other. When Clarke had found the photo in her camera the next day she wanted to both ring and hug Octavia.

            Staring at the picture Clarke’s insides felt like a hurricane of emotion. She couldn’t lose Bellamy, she couldn’t watch him walk away again. Even though she knew on a logical level that he had no choice to stay Clarke couldn’t do it.

            She couldn’t hug him goodbye again, let him see the tears fall, and watch him walk off into the distance once more. So when the time finally came to leave for his send off Clarke froze at her front door. Even after all of the texts, calls, and pleading from Bellamy she couldn’t do it.

            Clarke shut down for the rest of the night. When she woke up on her couch to a flurry of texts and voice mails from everyone she shut off her phone. Eventually she heard a loud knock at her door, and finally the turn of the spare key she had given Octavia. Octavia’s look of fury fell as soon as she saw Clarke’s state. Tear marks streaked her usually pale cheeks, circles under eyes, and a look of total defeat.

            Octavia immediately sat next to her friend and hugged her as Clarke cried into her shoulder apologizing. Octavia simply listened, and told her that Bellamy understood why she couldn’t come. And, that only made Clarke cry harder. Because even when she was at her most selfish Bellamy understood her, and never asked for anything in return.

            Because Bellamy Blake was the best person Clarke knew.

            And, that’s why she loved him.

            Life continued throughout the year. Each day the pain didn’t get any easier, Clarke just got better at managing it. Keeping herself occupied with her friends and work. But, in the back of every room, every conversation, every moment he was there. The ghost on the lips of her friends, on the fringes of her dreams begging her to reach out. But, she never did. Clarke had made her decision, and now.

            Now she was laying in the arms of Bellamy and the guilt resurfaced. He was in love with her, and she didn’t deserve it. She couldn’t fall asleep even after everything that had happened. Looking up from his chest her heart ached. Bellamy slept peacefully his lips releasing only the slights of movement. She reached a hand to stroke his cheek as she leaned up to kiss his lips gently as to not wake him.

            When Clarke pulled back his open eyes met hers as he spoke with a lopsided smile, “Can’t sleep Princess?”

            Clarke shook her head slightly, “Just a lot on my mind.”

            Bellamy nodded and sat up a bit so that he was resting against the head board. Clarke getting onto her elbow to sit up.

            “Want to talk about it?”

            Clarke bit her lip. Bellamy had met her more than half way, he deserved to know how she was truly feeling.

            “I still feel this tremendous amount of guilt for what I put you through.”

            Bellamy remained silent and listened, “I know I need to move past it, but what I did… I would do anything to take it back. But, I can’t.”

            Clarke steeled herself as she continued, “A part of me feels that I don’t deserve you.” She pointed to him, “This.” She motioned between the two.”

            Bellamy reached out to intertwine his fingers with hers, “You know I wondered a lot about why you didn’t come to see me the day that I left.”

            Clarke felt his hand squeeze hers, “And, then I realized it didn’t matter.”

            Clarke flinched at his words as he replied with wide eyes, “Not that you didn’t matter!”

            Clarke nodded slowly, “It’s just that whatever reason you had it was your reason, and that no matter what when I came back we’d work through it.”

            Clarke gave him a soft tone, “How could you know that Bell?”

            Bellamy spoke with an assured tone as if it was the only answer in the world, “Because I’ve been in love with you since forever Clarke, and one year wasn’t going to lessen how I felt about you. It only made my feelings for you grow.”

            Clarke was at a loss for words. How does one respond to a half-naked Bellamy telling you such sweet and heart aching words? Clarke did the only thing she could think up and surged forward to capture his lips in her own. Pumping all of the love and tenderness she could into the kiss. Bellamy returned the gesture in kind as the two made out.

            Clarke lose herself in the kiss, and as she felt Bellamy pull her on top of him she straddled his legs tangled her fingers in his hair, and her other hand went to steady herself on his chest. Lips moving together with heated desire Clarke felt him smile against her lips as she tugged at the back of his hair. She moved to kiss down his long neck, and when she pressed her lips to his Adams apple she felt him moan as she bit down lightly at the juncture of his neck. Bellamy said her name like a prayer on her lips, and any trepidation Clarke had about whatever was going on between them was squashed by the ever growing desire and confidence she had in their feelings for each other.

            When Clarke pulled back she almost broke. Bellamy was completely gone for her and she felt nothing but pure love and joy that he was hers. Because, Clarke was always Bellamy’s. From the day he helped her up at the park to every single moment of their lives. Clarke knew in the deepest part of her soul that her heart belonged to the man beneath her. The man that gave her forgiveness even when she couldn’t forgive herself.

            When they both pulled back for air Clarke felt herself falling into Bellamy’s dark orbs.

            Clarke filled the comfortable silence with a few simple words, “Bell, what are we?”

            Bellamy looked at her with a curious glance, “We’re Clarke and Bellamy.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “You know what I mean dummy.”

            Bellamy chuckled as he stroked her cheek with his thumb, “Well I love you, and you love me.”

            Clarke’s breath hitched as he said the words again, “So I’d wager that makes me your boyfriend, and you my girlfriend.”

            Clarke had the biggest, dumbest, and most joyful smile on her lips as his words echoed in her mind. Bellamy was her boyfriend, and she was his girlfriend. It was such a simple concept, but felt like the whole world had finally shifted into focus.

            Clarke spoke with a giddy tone, “I’m your girlfriend.”         

            Bellamy nodded mirroring her smile, “And, I’m your boyfriend.”

            Clarke replied with a soft tone, “I love you Bell.”

            Bellamy smirked, “I love you too Princess. Now are we going to keep talking or are we going to kiss? Because we have a lot of time to make up for.”

            Clarke smiled deviously, “Well if you’re going to talk a big game you’d better.”

            Bellamy cut her off as his lips pressed against hers.

            Bellamy was always one for action.

            When Clarke looks back everything did happen for a reason. It took losing Bellamy for a year for Clarke to finally will up the courage to tell him how she felt. A small part of her mind kicked herself for wasting so much time worrying about how he felt about her. Time that could have been spent together. But, then they wouldn’t be where they were today.

            They of course told Octavia first who knocked them both over with bear hugs. It was like a Blake hugging massacre as Bellamy was the first to fall. Clarke laughed until she felt Octavia’s small but surprisingly strong arms knocking her to the ground. Lincoln congratulated the both of them like a normal human being, and Octavia pouted as he held her back from hugging her brother and future (though they would figure it out eventual) sister in law. As the rest of the gang found out Clarke and Bellamy felt as if they were finally let in on some sort of years long inside joke. Everyone acted as if it were the only natural change like the seasons.

            Clarke and Bellamy of course breezed past the honeymoon stage. Having already seen each other’s ugliest, nastiest, and meanest sides they skipped right to the blissfully ever after. Or as Clarke liked to think the fun fighting only now with awesome make up sex. It was a gradual shift between the two. Even after they moved in together nothing really seemed to change. They still argued, watched crappy rom coms and documentaries, and hung out with their friends.

            Only now they were officially together. And, Clarke was over the moon. If Bellamy was the best friend a person could as her he was most definitely the best boyfriend a person could ask for. Bellamy was attentive but self-reliant. Bellamy knew when she needed space and needed a hug and all of the cuddling. Did Clarke mention he was a good cook? Because, coming home to Bellamy preparing dinner had become one of Clarke’s favorite pass times. Also he wasn’t a slob, and this was another blessing.

            Of course there were bumps in the road. Guilt still bubbled its way to the surface for Clarke, but Bellamy soothed the waters of her self-doubt. If Clarke had only one complaint its that she didn’t get enough time with her favorite person. She counted the hours until she came home to him, and for once Clarke felt whole again.

            It comes back to the day Clarkes Dad didn’t come home, and everything in her life fell apart. She felt alone in a world that seemed way too big for a big blue eyed girl. That feeling of loneliness permeated in her heart until the day Octavia knocked her over. Her world had been both literally and figuratively flipped on its ass. And, when she regained her footing it was thanks to Bellamy.

            The freckled face, solemn, but pure hearted boy who would become the man she called hers. Bellamy saved Clarke, gave her friends, and became the family she had been sorely missing. Clarke knew she was blessed as they sat around Grounder’s. All a little older, a little wiser, but most of all a little happier. Everyone engrossed in their conversations and enjoying the wonderful atmosphere of a Friday free together.

            Clarke likes to think in any world these people would have found her. Would have saved each other even as the world fell apart. Would have done anything to be there for each other. And, as Clarke felt a squeeze from the hand on her shoulder she looked up in the opposite direction. Snuggled up next to the reason all of this was possible. A smirk laced on his perfect lips as he responded to a jab by Octavia making Lincoln and her laugh.

            Clarke squeezed his thigh in response as Bellamy met her gaze. Clarke’s eyes scanned his face once more. His beard gone revealing more of his high cheeks laced with a million freckles that looked like little stars in the dim light. His hair longer now, locks falling freely along his forehead. The wrinkles next to his eyes evident of laughter, sorrow, and life in the man she cared for with all of her heart.

            You see to be at home is to be at ease, in harmony with your surroundings. And, Bellamy was harmony to Clarke. They balanced each other, and Clarke knew from the day they had met. Bellamy Blake was her home.

 

Well there it is folks. Hope enjoyed this story; I know I did. Have a great life! Until next time.


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